Last minute Valentine's suggestions

Did you forget to heed the advice I gave in last week's post, Planning a Green Valentine's and are at a loss as to what to do?

Were you semi-inspired by 'Burban Mom's Eco-friendly Blow Job post yesterday? (Those suburban ladies are the naughtiest - next up we'll hear about how she's hosting a hybrid vehicle 'car keys in a jar' party.)

Well, here are some cheap, last minute ideas to treat your sweetie, using things commonly found around the house.

1. You forgot to get a card, didn't you. Or, better yet, you didn't get one on purpose because you didn't want to kill a tree in the process. And sending an e-card seemed, well, less than romantic. So, here's a solution: find whatever semi-indelible marker you have around the house (NOT a Sharpie), or henna, and write secret messages on your naked person. Get dressed and surprise your mate by letting them catch glimpses of what you have in store. Halfway through dinner it might be fun to expose a little something something. I bet you won't make it through dessert. Men, if you are extremely hairy, you may have limited real estate, so, in some of your cases I would recommend a fine tip pen and a magnifying glass.

2. You didn't have time to look for fair-trade, organic chocolate and the box o' wax Whitman's sampler from the drugstore just won't do. What other sweet treats do you have? Organic chocolate syrup? Hmmm... what about all those jars of jam you canned last summer? Perhaps now's the perfect time to practice your edible body display talents.

3. You are planning a quiet dinner at home but mid-way through cooking the meal, you realize that you forgot to buy butter that you need for the dish you are making. Searching the fridge desperately for a hidden stick or two you notice that you have a half pint of heavy whipping cream begging to be used. You remember my fascinating article on making your own butter and ask your partner to help out. Checking on its progress a few minutes into it, you decide to put the whipped cream to better use.

4. Create a good reason to use that soap you made at home. Oil up your partner with your favorite organic vegetable oil and give them a much needed massage. Follow up with a good scrubbing.

5. Ladies, when in doubt, just show up without wearing any underwear. Men, if you didn't plan ahead, you're screwed (and I don't mean that in a positive way).