How do you wipe?

It's day two of the 2008 Cloth Wipe Challenge and I wanted to check in with y'all on how things are starting out. I suspect that, like last year, many of you started even before yesterday. It seems like once you get hit by cloth wipe fever, there's no stopping you!

Any questions come up yet? What kind of system are you using for storage and washing? How are you liking things so far? Do you think you'll make it until the 30th? Are you in cloth wipe heaven, hell or purgatory?

Just out of strange curiosity since we're discussing wiping and all, here's a poll that will provide much needed entertainment in these challenging times of political craziness, economic turmoil and end of days talk. What could be more fascinating than how you wipe?



I'm always intrigued by people's personal hygiene habits (in case that wasn't totally obvious by now) and not just from a scatological perspective. There's the cultural aspect of bathroom behavior, of course, but it all comes down to: how did you learn how to wipe? Does anyone ever even remember? Were you shown or did you just figure it out?

I imagine this post will get me some weird traffic. Again.

Food Not Lawns follow-up

Oh, dear. I certainly did drop the ball on the Food Not Lawns book club, didn't I? One whole measly discussion post and then not a peep.

I could give you all sorts of excuses like stem cell transplants, work, kids and whatnot, but I guess I have to admit that I'm just not excited about reading this book. The hokey fluff that encompasses some of the content in the first few chapters just turned me off even though there was a lot that also got me excited.

It's like the experiments where you get electro-shocked when reaching for the candy instead of the monkey kibble. Eventually you stop reaching. Anyway, that said, I am willing to slog, I mean, move forward with the book club if there's sufficient interest out there. So, tell me people. Are you interested in finishing this book or, say, starting a new book?

For a new book, I'm suggesting Depletion and Abundance: Life on the New Home Front well, because I already have a copy of it, I'm mentioned in the credits (thanks Sharon!) and it will be so much fun making fun of it. Just kidding!

What do you want to do? There's also the option of finishing Food Not Lawns and then going straight into D&A.

So, what's it going to be?

Drying herbs for idiots

My herb plants are getting totally overgrown and are encroaching on my other plants. So, I took matters into my own hands and bushwacked them back.

I didn't want to just huck the clippings onto the compost bin, so I decided to try to dry the herbs that are annual. Things like rosemary, sage and other plants are perennial around here, so I don't worry too much about not having them year round. Particularly the rosemary. It's almost viral it grows so big and gets out of control so easily.

I wish I had taken the time to dry some oregano before I chopped the hell out of it and transplanted it elsewhere earlier in the year. Same thing with the marjoram (which I ended up killing). Oh well, next time I'll know better.

So, what did I end up drying? A ton of Italian flat leaf parsley and some sage just for sport (even though it sticks around in winter). The sage is handy to have on hand inside since sometimes when it's dark, pouring rain and cold out I don't like to poke around in the yard when I'm making dinner trying to scout out decent herbs.

There are a couple different ways of drying herbs. You can put them in the traditional dehydrator and go that route. I was afraid they'd stick like crazy (like my strawberries) and didn't feel like spending hours scraping little paper thin leaves off the grates. You can also freeze them dry and store them at room temperature. Allegedly. I'm still not convinced that freezing works without molding up.

Lastly, you can dry them in the microwave, which is the method I chose. Basically you place your herbs (I washed and then dried them between kitchen towels) on a paper towel and then nuke them in the microwave until they are dry and crispy. For my microwave it took about 2.5 minutes for the parsley. The sage took closer to 4 minutes since they are so thick.

Once they are crispy dry, crush them with your hands and then store them in small jars. I had some old spice jars that fit the bill, so I loaded them up using a small funnel. The color is phenomenally more vibrant and the herbs have a much more fragrant smell than anything you can buy from the store.

Now I can save the summer bounty of my herbs and have them available to season my foods in the dead of winter. And it's so damn easy you have no excuse to not try it yourself. By the way, drying your herbs is also useful for when you buy too many herbs and want to keep them out of the compost.

Binge knitting

Holy crap, the weather has gotten cold here. As such, I've whipped out a knitting project that I started a few years ago. We have since moved and it got packed in a box and thoroughly forgotten about. It is a wool blanket with this most awesome (and expensive) yarn that I bought a few years back - Crystal Palace Merino Frappe.

I'm using a fairly large size needle (11) in just a basic knit stitch, nothing fancy, since I like to space out when I'm knitting and not pay attention to where I am in the row. Because it's extra fine merino wool, it's extremely warm even though it's super lightweight. I've got a bit more work to do on it, but since I'm doing it in pieces (I know, weird) I can use the middle section as a throw.

Anyway, this yarn is really soft and wonderful to work with. If you are afraid of wool because you think it's super scratchy and stinky, this yarn will totally change your mind. And, if you like to knit and want to make something fun, check out this Vegan Fox pattern from Fuzzy Galore.

Got to get meself all ready for this year's Freeze Yer Buns Challenge which, apparently, is going to start before I know it! Summer? It's noon and only 55 degrees. My poor tomatoes...

A woman in the White House

As much as I should be excited about the possibility of having a woman in the White House, it's hard to muster up much enthusiasm. Sure, one can easily argue that Sarah Palin is smart, has an interesting background and story and she sure can motivate the base, but I have qualms about that background and her conservative stance on a number of issues.

Of course, one can also argue that (and several people have in the comments of this blog), regardless of who is in office there is the potential for not much changing going on. One can point out that during the last week, in regards to the financial industry's falling off the deep end, McCain is now trying to reach out to the middle class with promises of $5,000 to cover health care and additional child tax credits.

[What's missing from this promise is the fact that the (also mentioned) increased taxation on companies for the health care benefits they do provide, encourages said companies to drop or reduce those same benefits. Most companies shell out over $10,000 per individual. Try finding the same sort of coverage as an individual for $5,000. It's farcical. But, I'm digressing here.]

Anyway, if it doesn't necessarily matter who is in office, then what's the problem? Well, wanting to have a female in office is a great thing, similar to wanting to have an African American in office. Some say that either way, minorities win.

But, as much as I'd like an Hispanic in office too, I'd have problems with the ticket if Cheech Marin were selected as somebody's running mate. Sure, he fits the bill as Hispanic. He has an honorary Doctorate of Fine Arts and he's a maverick to some extent, but is he really the most qualified Hispanic for the job? Of course, this is a gross analogy, but you get the point.

In other words, let's not get caught up in the potential "firsts" in this presidency and not settle with "good enough". We need people in the White House that can really affect change and get this country back on track. So, make sure you know what your candidates stand for and try to avoid the hyperbole that is flying around on all sides.

What's growing?

I know y'all probably don't care too much about what I have growing in my backyard, but I'm pretty excited about it and wanted to share. Plus, this acts as a recorded catalog of what I have so I can look back on it later. And, I really need to update the sidebar list.

Anyway, I generally announce here and there what I'm planting so I thought I'd create a complete list so you can see how it's possible to squeeze in a bunch of stuff into an urban lot. I still have quite a bit more yard to work with and quite a bit more lawn I can put raised beds into so there are always plans for the future if I want to expand the volume.

Okay, here we go! These are listed in no particular order.

Vegetables
Black Krim tomatoes
San Marzano tomatoes
Sweet Million cherry tomatoes
Napa cabbage
Viroflay spinach
Nero Di Toscana kale
Purple top globe turnips
Bulls blood beets
Mixed mustard greens
Broccoli raab
Black beauty zucchini
Cucumbers
Leeks
Early Italian purple garlic
Yukon Gold potatoes
French Fingerling potatoes
Oregon sugar snap peas
Anaheim peppers
Cayenne peppers
Sugar Pie pumpkins

Fruits
Tristar strawberries
Meyer lemon
Dwarf fig negronne
4 x 1 cherry (Rainier, Lapin, Bing, Sweetheart)
Bluecrop blueberries
Olympia blueberries
Catawba grapes
Pinot Noir grapes

Herbs
French tarragon
Genovese sweet basil
Italian flatleaf parsley
Dukat dill
Berggarten sage
Rosemary
Dark leaf oregano
English lavender
English thyme
Bay laurel
Spearmint

Whew! I think I've got them all. I ripped out a huge rose bush yesterday and hope to plant a dwarf Honeycrisp or Akane apple tree in its place. I still have a bunch more work to do in the yard to get it where I want it, but at least this is a start!

I'm going to try to keep the winter produce going this year. It just takes a lot of daily planning since we tend to not go out back when it's cold and it gets so dark early during the winter that I generally don't want to rummage around out back to get food and herbs when I'm making dinner.

Speaking of winter vegetables... what's your favorite winter vegetable?

Potty Talk: Your cloth wipe questions answered

First off, I wanted to address a few questions that came up in regards to the upcoming Cloth Wipe Challenge at the end of the month. I'll be getting into some more nitty-gritty fun factoids in a later post.

The whole famdamily issue
If you are dubious about washing cloth wipes for six people in your household, then just try them yourself. No one said you had to drag family and friends into this. In our household, the kids don't use cloth wipes yet as they are too young and we would be spending far more in plumbing bills than we would be saving by having them use cloth.

Maybe when they are a little older and pay more attention to what should and shouldn't go in the toilet we'll have them use cloth. In the meantime, we risk just flushing the benefits down the toilet. So to speak. Anyway, just start small and see how it goes.

Shared bathrooms
If you live with other people who aren't as enthused about it as you, it's a little more difficult, but not undoable. You just need to be a bit more sneaky and run a covert cloth wipe operation. I would suggest going for #1 only - it will be easier to hide. Find a container of some sort and hide it under the sink somewhere. You can always go for some cammo patterned cloth remnants.

Even if someone asks you what it is, it won't be readily obvious what you're doing. Feel free to tell them, or just say you use them for cleaning your armpits or some other misdirection. It won't totally gross them out but it will keep them from fiddling with your wipes.

It's going to create too much laundry
Umm, unless you are repurposing ship's sails in their original size, you won't be generating much laundry. For #1 use for two people, we wash the "pee pads", as my mom calls them, a couple times a week. We just throw them in with the rest of the laundry and they don't take up any more space than a small t-shirt. The water usage and soap is negligible. You'll find you won't need a very big piece to do the job as cloth is way more absorbent than TP.

Why don't you try the "hand and water method"?
By gum, if you've got spunk enough to do that, be my guest. I just have a few words for you: fingernails and fecal matter. Someone brought up the whole drying after the rinse cycle issue and, unless you've got time to air dry, you're ending up using a cloth to dry, no?

Cloth Wipe Challenge 2008

Oh, it's that time of year again. Last year this time, I held a Cloth Wipe Challenge and a number of you faithful readers jumped on the bandwagon and pledged to change the way you wipe. Your butts.

Yes, folks, for those of you still not on the cloth wipe bandwagon, you've had a whole year to think about it. Now's your chance to join in with a group of intrepid wipers and make the switch.

And, once again, the rules are soooo simple.... it's as easy as wiping your, ummm, ass. You can choose to just use them for #1 or you can go all out and clean up for #2 as well.

I'll be going over the details again this time around but if you want to get a jump start on what to expect, you can read all the posts from the last challenge here.

I estimate that we've saved about $180 in toilet paper over the year since the challenge started (we normally get the Seventh Generation 100% recycled toilet paper so it's a tad more expensive). We only use it for #1 so the hassle is a lot less, it's a lot more comfortable than scratchy recycled TP and we're saving on tons of paper products.

This year's challenge will only be a week long, so you have no excuse to not give it a try. To sign up, just add yourself to the comments. I know this is a tough one for you guys - there are a lot of mental and cultural barriers to making the switch, but I guarantee if you just give it a try for #1, you'll be hooked!

If any of last year's participants/converts want to add your encouragement, please do!

Anal retentive organics

It's back to school time and with that comes cooperation with other parents in a group environment. At Emma's preschool there is a demand by one of the parents to only provide organic foods for snack time. We've known this family for several years and every year it's the same, although this year the pressure on the rest of the parents is more intense. From the school:

We are also striving to make organic choices for our snacks. Snack items such as dairy and meats (for non-vegetarian families) have specifically been requested to be organic, so if you are able to buy organic foods please sign up for those.

On one hand, I applaud the fact that they are moving to providing only organic snack items. But, some of the parents are completely freaking out about providing snacks now. For some it's a cost issue, but for many, they just don't generally buy organics so they don't know what to get.

One thing that I think gets lost in the shuffle is the whole concept of organic as being the only healthy choice. Organic food items coming from China and South America do not follow the same stringent (albeit watered-down in recent years) rules as produce and food products manufactured and/or sold in the U.S.

So, while it may appear to be "organic", how does that compare to a local producer who follows Oregon Tilth organic practices yet doesn't or can't afford to become certified organic? Some producers may even choose to not be certified on principle yet follow stringent organic and permaculture farming techniques.

The important thing is to take into consideration all factors when choosing your food, particularly for our little ones. Buying organic food from Walmart or the like does not necessarily guarantee that you are getting a better product when compared to something seemingly conventional.

You can also look for labels such as Certified Ecologically Sound, Food Alliance Certified, or local (state) certifications for sustainably grown food. So, there's one more reason to shop at farmers markets or at stores where you get to know the grower and find out more about how your food is produced.

Planting a fall and winter garden

Just because summer is almost at its end doesn't mean you have to shut down your gardening opportunities. If you live in a very cold northern clime, hoop houses, row covers and cloches can help to extend your season. If you live in a warmer clime, well, this post probably isn't too applicable, but I'm sure these vegetables will grow where you live as well.

There are two things to keep in mind when planting crops for fall and winter harvest: temperature and number of hours of daylight. You can only fool some veggies so much before they just decide to either give up or overwinter.

Yesterday, I prepared one of my beds for my fall and winter crops. I dug out all the radishes (most were too puny and bolting to keep around) and all the red onions for storage. I left the row of tomatoes in the back as they are still going strong. I added in a couple inches of compost and then went to town planting my winter hardy crops.

Since our first frost date around here is at the end of November, I found the vegetables that had a growing period of 60 days or less to make sure they were mostly "finished" before frosty weather arrives. I also ordered a number of winter hardy types last year and got those out.

What I ended up planting were some Napa Cabbage that I bought as seedlings over the weekend as well as spinach, kale, purple top white globe turnips, beets, broccoli raab and sugar snap peas.

I'm curious to see how successful they'll be. Since we are still having warmish weather at least for a little while longer I'm hoping they'll get off to a good start. Early next month is when I'll go totally bonkers planting garlic. It was such an easy success last year that I want to plant a whole lot more for next summer's harvest.

I also am freezing the tomatoes (for making sauce later) as well as shredded zucchini (4 cups from the one I picked yesterday) for making bread when it's not so hot out. I just need to remember that I have them in the chest freezer.

By the way, here's an interesting article from the New York Times last week about finding local wheat and growing it yourself: Flour That Has the Flavor of Home. It makes me want to plant a patch of wheat in my front lawn.

Anyway, are you planting anything for fall/winter? If so, what?

The Sweat Lodge - Keep Yer Cool Challenge

We are finally getting some summer weather after having a very cool, cloudy August, which is quite unusual for Seattle. Normally, it's cloudy and cool most of June through July, but then it gets awfully hot during August and September with very little rain.

I don't know if this is just an exception year or if this is indicative of what's to come with climate change. It is believed that this area will start to have more overcast summers with more rain than is "normal" for this time of year, with milder winters and less snow pack. So, who knows if this is just a fluke or not.

Either way, it's been absolutely glorious around here with temperatures in the 70s and 80s with sunny skies and beautiful autumnal-like sunshine. Has anyone else noticed how large and prominent the moon has been in the sky lately? It's really cool.

Anyway, the temperatures have been still mild and there hasn't been a ton of sweating going on since we live near the water and get lots of marine breezes in our neighborhood.

How's summer rounding out for you? Are you still sweating like crazy or is fall making an early appearance in your neck of the woods?

I'll be wrapping the Keep Yer Cool Challenge up at the end of the month and starting the 2008 - 2009 Freeze Yer Buns Challenge at the end of October. This year I'm planning on seeing a lot more participation since y'all got your feet wet with it last year and heating costs are much higher this year. So, stay tuned for more info on that.

Latitude defying lemons

I've always been jealous of my family's tropical fruit trees. Mind you, they live in San Diego, so the climate is just a tad bit different than up here in Seattle.

I never thought I could grow lemons up here until I ran across an ad for a Meyer Lemon tree. I had been mulling over the idea of getting one for a year before I finally plunked down for one early this summer.

It's a little bitty guy and has about 6 or 7 lemons on it. When I bought the tree, the lemons were all green - in fact, everyone thought it was a lime tree and I found myself accidentally calling them limes, too. The color and look overwhelmingly made them look like limes. Well, in the last week or so, they've started turning yellow and some of them are close to being ready for harvest. They've also been sporting these neat little white and purple flowers for the last month or so.

Meyer lemons are thought to be a cross of lemons and sweet mandarin oranges, so they aren't as tart as your "classic" lemon and have a fragrant, edible skin. It is native to China and is commonly grown potted as an ornamental plant. The benefit to this is that, in colder climes, you can take it inside during the winter to protect it from low temperatures. So, even though it is cold tolerant, it needs to be inside during the winter to prevent damage.

If you are interested in growing your own Meyer lemon tree, but don't know what to do with them, then check out this list of "100 things to do with a Meyer lemon" from the L.A. Times. If you can't find a local nursery that carries these trees, you can readily find them from nurseries online. Meyer Lemon Cardamom Ice Cream anyone?

Now, if I can only figure out how to grow an avocado tree and I'll be set.

Political poll and a pig picture

I just realized that I haven't had a poll in, like, forevah! And, I haven't gotten you grinding your crackers on the political front in a whole week. What is wrong with me?

So, I thought I'd throw in a political poll, thereby killing two birds with one stone. That and, well, I don't have a whole lot of time to write a post, but I've got some more serious ones in the hopper. I just need to find the time to write them.

Anyhoo, since we've all had time to recover from the national conventions, it's time to take the pulse of the Crunchy readers. I framed the question to allow non-U.S. citizens to participate as well. Since we are all part of this here global community and all.

Let the people speak! Or, rather, click!



Unfortunately, my freebie polling software limits my choices to seven, but one thing I wanted to include but couldn't was whether or not people were voting for "their" party based on platform even though they weren't too pleased with the people running.

Finally, I'm quite upset at all the fuss over the Olivia smear campaign. Leave this children's book character alone! She's just a pig for crying out loud!

What to do with all those apples

Apple season is upon us and last night I went to a course and tasting on Washington apples at The Dahlia Lounge (thanks to my foodie brother, Darryl).

So, while my mind is wrapped around apples, let's discuss some of the fantabulous things you can do with all dem apples. Don't be shy - make this year the one where you buy a bushel or two.

Of course, there's the myriad ways of cooking and baking with apples, but I'm assuming you can eat only so many apple pastries at once so I'm going to focus on throwing out some ideas of things to do with apples that you can store and enjoy throughout the year.

Drinks
Well, first off there's the beverage selections. You can press your own apples and make apple juice or apple cider. You can home pasteurize these juices by boiling and then freezing the juice to make sure that nothing unwanted grows in your liquids. If you are real excited, you can make your own hard apple cider. You can even make your own apple cider vinegar if you let your hard cider ferment until it becomes vinegar.

Don't forget! You can boil down the juice or cider to make an apple syrup which can come in handy for making apple-flavored cocktails among other things.

Canning jams, jellies and whatnots
Next up are easy ways of preserving the apple bounty by using your trusty canner. You can make apple jelly, caramel apple jam, applesauce, apple chutney and apple pie filling.

Don't forget! You can make your own pectin from apples for use in your other canning projects.

Drying and freezing
A great, fast and tasty way of preserving loads of apples is by dehydrating them. You can dry them with or without the skins on, just know that it takes longer to dry them if you leave them on. By doing this at home you avoid the sulfur-laden ones from the store.

It's easy to freeze apples. You basically just slice them up, toss them with ascorbic acid and freeze. Another thing I like to do is prepare apple pie filling and freeze until ready to use. You can also freeze the pie filling (inside a large freezer bag) in a pie plate if you intend on going straight from the freezer to the oven.

Storing them straight up
If you are lucky enough to have a cellar or some sort of cold storage, you can store your apples until you are ready to eat them. Thick skinned apples are better at storing than others, just make sure they aren't bruised otherwise they'll all ripen faster. It's the old "one bad apple" adage.

Downed apples
If you don't know what to do with all those windfall apples that get blown off your trees (or your neighbor's), check out this article from Mother Earth News, What to Do with Windfall Apples.

I hope this has given you enough ideas of what to do with your apples. What's your favorite method to store or preserve them?

My future as a human popsicle

As we get close to fall, I'm still racking my brains about what to do about home heating this year. With heating oil costing 40% more than last year will we be seriously freezing our buns off this winter?

What's the long term solution to this problem? I have discussed solar heating panels and, as much as I am intrigued by them, they don't seem to be as effective at heating in cloudy locations and I don't want to invest in a huge system that isn't ideal. Well, nothing is ideal, but we have limited time and resources right now to contemplate anything too fancy.

So, we'll put off the decision for a while and limp along for a few years. If that means that we'll have arctic conditions inside, then so be it. It's not like Seattle gets that cold that we couldn't employ some old-fashioned methods of staying warm. I am considering a space heater so we don't torture my post-transplant husband any more than necessary. Throw in some additional insulating measures and hopefully things we'll be tolerable. I guarantee you'll hear about it one way or another.

In the meantime, there are some nice advances coming along with solar technology. According to Mother Earth News, "Industry analysts think the price of photovoltaics will drop to $1 per installed watt by 2010. That’s a magic number because it’s the point at which solar-generated electricity becomes competitive with electricity produced from fossil fuels."

This may very well turn out to be too good to be true, but I guess we'll all just have to wait and see how the increased demand in the alternative energy market drives prices. I know it's difficult to think about since many of us are still sweating our buns off and can't even contemplate freezing temperatures, but it will be on us before you know it.

For all of you facing much higher heating costs this season, what are you doing?

Reducing school bus emissions

This month you'll see all sorts of posts regarding back-to-school issues and environmentalism. I'm sure many of you are already sending your kids off to school with eco-friendly school supplies and healthy, organic lunches packaged in reusable containers. Additionally, many school districts are mostly on top of issues regarding lead in the drinking water of old school buildings and asbestos related problems.

But what about the enormous health and environmental impact of those yellow school buses? Over 99% of the U.S.'s 600,000 school buses run on diesel fuel, placing millions of children at risk each day.

Few districts seem to be doing anything regarding the inherent dangers of diesel school bus emissions. Regardless of whether or not you have kids in school this is a community issue and one that affects everyone living in it. Because the exhaust just doesn't harm kids but also other citizens that breathe it in. People with asthma or other lung issues are particularly susceptible to increased air pollution.

It's that time of year where the school buses are out in force, but it's also a good time to actually try to do something about it. Not all school districts have the money or the resources to switch to using biodiesel, but the more we ask the more they will listen. I'm sure all the grease being used in the school kitchens for those extremely healthy school lunches could be used for waste vegetable oil driven school buses. And, at the very least, you can request that the bus drivers do not idle and that they implement an idling reduction program.

So, where do you start? If it feels like one little voice isn't going to affect much change then getting parents together to demand clean school buses is one way to go. Discuss the issue with other parents while you are waiting to pick up your kids, at PTA meetings or even sending out information to your child's classroom email list.

Don't know what to say once you get organized? Well, here's a sample letter with some statistics for you to use to make your case. If you want to send it to your school district or local representatives, just replace the [XX] with the appropriate information for your region.

------------------------------------------------
Dear Superintendent of Public Instruction,

As a parent and citizen of [XX], I am deeply concerned of the impact that [XX] city school buses have on the health of not only the children riders and bus drivers, but on the community as a whole. School bus emissions have been directly linked to problems such as asthma, bronchitis, pneumonia, retarded lung development, and increased emergency room visits for respiratory illnesses. After long-term exposure, diesel exhaust can cause cancer.

Aside from the health issues resulting from school bus emissions, diesel exhaust also contains pollutants that contribute to ozone formation, smog, acid rain, and global climate change.

There are a number of changes that can be employed to reduce the amount of exhaust emitted from diesel school buses. From the obvious switchover to alternative fuel types such as biodiesel to policies reducing idling and technologies like diesel particulate traps and filters, it is imperative that our community look to reducing this very significant health and environmental threat.

Based on a 2001 study, the Natural Resources Defense Council estimates that, "for every one million children riding the school bus for 1 or 2 hours each day during the school year, 23 to 46 children may eventually develop cancer from the excess diesel exhaust they inhale on their way to and from school."

Please help protect our children and community by looking into making changes to the district's fleet of school buses. If you would like to learn more about the issues surrounding school bus diesel emissions as well as information regarding reducing idling and retrofitting school buses, please refer to the US EPA website (http://www.epa.gov/oms/schoolbus/index.htm). If steps are being made to reduce diesel emissions, I would like to be informed.

Thanks in advance for your consideration,

John Smith
123 Main Street
Anytown, ST 12345
john.smith@gmail.com
------------------------------------------------

So, as your kids head back to school, take a moment out of your day to help address this very large problem so we can all breathe easier.

Why I love Sarah Palin

As the Republican National Convention wraps up I thought I'd take a moment to publish this list. I think it's very enlightening.

Top 5 Reasons Why I Chose Sarah Palin as my VP
by John S. McCain

1. She knows how to cook a mean wolf steak with polar bear sauce

2. She's young and hot and well, who knows whether or not Cindy will be in a disfiguring accident - it's good to have a backup plan

3. When I go hunting with her, I don't have to worry about getting accidentally shot in the face

4. She's good at eliminating, I mean, firing people, so I don't have to get my hands dirty if someone doesn't, well, work out

5. Cindy, Sarah and I would make a great threesome

The biggest environmental threat

What constitutes the biggest environmental threat to the world today? Is it climate change run amok or the gutting of the Endangered Species Act? Is it China's coal-fired power plants? How about destruction of the Earth's oceans resulting in record low fisheries, oxygen depleted areas and great swirling hoards of plastic? How about deforestation of the world's "lungs" and carbon sink by removing forests in order to plant biofuels?

I'm going to argue that the biggest environmental threat known to man right now is the John McCain / Sarah Palin ticket. How can I be so bold as to say such a thing? Is it really all that ridiculous? Bear with me a moment while I try to explain.

Yes, all those things I mentioned above do present a threat to the health and balance of our environment. But, the entity that has the single most power to influence how the U.S. and, in the end, the world go forward in maintaining, repairing and reducing humanity's impact on the environment is what is represented in the oval office.

Now, of course, this sounds probably a little too high and mighty for those living outside the U.S. and they would argue that the U.S. influence has slipped considerably as of late. But, it is with the U.S. economy and military machinery that we influence the rest of the world and the environmental aspect of it is no less important. How we stand and deliver regarding our environment influences much of the rest of the world.

So, having an environmentally unfriendly president in the White House means a great deal for environmentalists as well as the environment. Or pretty much anyone who lives on Earth. You can just take a look at the last 8 years to get a feel for that. Now, add to that an additional 4+ years with an even more conservative, more environmentally unfriendly platform and what does that mean?

We are at (and have been for a while although the government has been sitting on its hands for years) a crossroads in terms of global climate change and energy issues. How we move forward to resolve those issues is led out of the White House.

Now, I'm not going to argue that the Obama/Biden team is proffering itself up as being incredibly environmentally conscious. But, what it does have (an interest in environmental and clean energy issues as well as an interest in partnerships with the rest of the world) and what it doesn't have (ties to big oil) certainly makes them the more environmentally friendly choice.

So, regardless of their stance on abortion, religion in schools, immigration and a whole host of other concerns, when you look at their policies regarding the environment and energy, the McCain/Palin ticket is the biggest environmental threat we've got going.

Final scoop on NW Meetup

For those of you who are interested in the NW Blogger Meetup that Melinda from One Green Generation and I have arranged, here are the final details:

Date: Sunday, September 7th
Time: Noon to 4pm
Location: Meridian Park {Click here for a map}

Details: Potluck Picnic!
Please bring a dish (appetizer, main dish or dessert) made from local goodies to share. Plus BYO drinks, reusable utensils, plates, and napkins.

The park has plenty of open space and a play structure where children can happily frolic. The park is also right next to Seattle Tilth and a lovely community garden for strolling.

The weather forecast for Sunday is in the high 70s, maybe 80. So, it should make for a glorious day in the park.

Transportation:
If you're taking the bus, you can find the Seattle Metro schedules here. If you would like to carpool, please email me, and I'll put you on our email tree. If you're traveling by car, you can find driving instructions using this Google Map.

Several people have expressed interest in carpooling. If you are from Portland or the Eastside of Seattle, please consider it!

Spread The Word: Please spread the word on your own blogs - the more the merrier!

Sunday Confessional - Week 5

Forgive me, people, for I have spent. Again, this week it was mostly eating out. We have more family in town so there was a day of eating dinner out. Plus a brunch.

And, then our visitors babysat for an evening while my husband and I went out to eat and to a movie. Other than that, no other spending occurred.

What about you guys? How's the Buy Nothing Challenge wrapping up for you this month? Are you interested in continuing it into September?

The bleep on this veep

Senator John McCain just announced his choice for running mate: Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska. The following is a statement by Rodger Schlickeisen, president of Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund.

Senator McCain’s choice for a running mate is beyond belief. By choosing Sarah Palin, McCain has clearly made a decision to continue the Bush legacy of destructive environmental policies.

Sarah Palin, whose husband works for BP (formerly British Petroleum), has repeatedly put special interests first when it comes to the environment. In her scant two years as governor, she has lobbied aggressively to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to drilling, pushed for more drilling off of Alaska’s coasts, and put special interests above science.

Ms. Palin has made it clear through her actions that she is unwilling to do even as much as the Bush administration to address the impacts of global warming. Her most recent effort has been to sue the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service to remove the polar bear from the endangered species list, putting Big Oil before sound science. As unbelievable as this may sound, this actually puts her to the right of the Bush administration.

This is Senator McCain’s first significant choice in building his executive team and it’s a bad one. It has to raise serious doubts in the minds of voters about John McCain’s commitment to conservation, to addressing the impacts of global warming and to ensuring our country ends its dependency on oil.

Just when you thought things couldn't get worse... What are your thoughts on McCain's running mate?

NW meetup date + venue

Well, it looks like there are about 60 people who are interested in the NW Blogger Meetup that Melinda from One Green Generation and I are trying to arrange.

Based on the poll, we decided to go with September 7th, simply to avoid having to compete with Labor Day weekend and the whole Bumbershoot thang.

We are looking into various venues, but the one that keeps bubbling to the surface is Meridian Park in Seattle. It's right next door to Seattle Tilth and has an enormous play area, playground, basketball hoops, bathrooms, etc. So, if you want to (or have to) bring your kids, there is plenty of stuff for them to do.

Please let me know if you are planning on attending. You can email me as well with your email contact info as we are compiling a list for further coordinating. This will be a local food, potluck style event, so plan on bringing something to share.

Sunday Confessional - Week 4

This last week's shopping sins have mostly consisted of eating out.

We ordered pizza last Wednesday because my hubs was craving it and, well, I sure wasn't going to complain. We ended up getting a free pizza because they delivered the order wrong, so does that count? Uh, I guess so.

There have been a few coffee outings as well: Top Pot last Sunday and on Friday. Cupcake Royale on Monday.

Friday night we went out for a quick dinner after a trip to the clinic as a very belated anniversary dinner (8/8). Saturday night we went out to dinner with my brother, his wife and her sister at Union, one of our favorite Seattle restaurants.

Why so much crazy eating out? Well, it looks like they are gearing up for my hubs' second transplant in a few weeks. We're just waiting on some final donor scheduling info (they found a full match!). This next transplant will be much more involved than the last one and we won't be eating out again for a real loooooong time.

Oh, yeah. And I also may have bought some new mumble, mmmmrf, mumble, clothes. At least some of it was from a secondhand store. And I looked damn good, if I do say so myself.

So, while I was ensconcing myself in shopping therapy, how did your week go?

Enlightenment for Idiots winner!

The winner of the book Enlightenment for Idiots is Jamie n' Matt from the blog, Rings N Things.

So, Jamie, email your mailing info to me at crunchychickenblog@gmail.com.

Congratulations, Jamie!

Sunday Confessional - Week 3

Oooh boy, I've been a bad, bad girl. It has been one week since my last spending confessional.

Let's see, where do I start with the shopping debauchery?

Eating out - Well, I didn't go out to coffee at all with the hubby this week since I was back at work, but we did go out to dinner Friday evening. That was totally my fault. He was content to eat at home, but after 6 weeks of cooking dinner I couldn't take it anymore.

Buying clothes - What can I say? There were several online sales at two places that sell clothes for tall women. Since the stuff I bought was waaaay over 50% off and it's so hard for me to find quality clothes that fit my six-foot frame I spent. But, hell, I got pants for $9.99 that actually have a 36 inch inseam. For that I are excited!

That's it! How did you do last week with the Buy Nothing Challenge?

Hey Mr. Green winner!

The winner of the book, Hey Mr. Green is Angela White from Breastfeeding 123.

So, Angela, email your mailing info to me at crunchychickenblog@gmail.com.

Congratulations, Angela!

For those of you who didn't win, there's still time to enter the book giveaway for Enlightenment for Idiots.

Enlightenment for Idiots - book giveaway!

Let me be the first to admit that I'm not exactly prone to reading chick-lit. And, for the most part, I'm fairly intolerant of most current fiction writers - I'm still working my way through 19th Century fiction. So, when the opportunity came across to read Enlightenment for Idiots, I figured, what the hell, why not?

This is, not exactly a green book, but it is a book. And it pokes fun at the whole yoga, meditation and search for enlightenment craze that seems to have inflicted itself upon Westerners. For that alone, it's worth a read because it is quite amusing. It's a real quick read - something I polished off in roughly 24 hours.

Anyway, in spite of a few plot holes and a couple of deus ex machina style interventions, I really enjoyed this book and wished it could go on forever. Okay, maybe not forever, but for longer at least. This is the writer's first work of fiction (she normally writes for Yoga Journal, Tricycle: The Buddhist Review, and her essays have been in the New York Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, O: The Oprah Magazine, Salon.com and the like).

So, if you are looking for a light read, then I highly recommend this book. It has been equated to Eat, Pray, Love, but with more of the pray part. As such, I'm giving this book away so that one lucky reader has the chance to read it for themselves! As usual, if you want to enter the random drawing, put your name in the comments. The drawing ends this Sunday at 6:00 pm PST. Good luck!

By the way, I guarantee if you read this book you'll be craving chai tea like crazy. Here's a recipe to satisfy the urge (and save you money):

Masala Chai

1.5 inch chunk of cinnamon stick
6 cardamom pods
8 whole cloves
1 star anise
10 whole black pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1 cup water
1 cup milk
1 tablespoon any unperfumed loose black tea (such as Darjeeling or Assam)
Sugar to taste

In a mortar, crush cinnamon, star anise, cardamom and cloves (or use a coffee grinder). Put water and spices in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Cover, turn heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Add the milk and bring to a simmer again. Add the tea leaves and simmer for 3 minutes. Strain the tea, add sugar to taste and serve immediately.

Book week - Hey Mr. Green giveaway

Here's to another exciting green book week! This week I'll be focusing on book giveaways, book club posts, book reviews and the like. So, if you like books, this is your lucky week!

Since I'm torturing you all with sweaty butt cracks and not allowing you to buy anything, I thought I'd feed your desires with a giveaway of the book, Hey Mr. Green: Sierra Magazine's Answer Guy Tackles Your Toughest Green Living Questions, by Bob Schildgen. From the publisher:

When is the right time to replace an old refrigerator? Is it more environmentally correct to buy your beer in bottles or cans? And is it okay to knit a sweater with acrylic (petroleum-based) yarn?

For several years, Bob Schildgen (aka “Mr. Green”) has been answering real-world questions in his Sierra magazine column. Readers know they’re getting up-to-the minute, authoritative responses, because all information is backed by the research and experience of Sierra Club. But Mr. Green’s legions of fans have also come to expect a refreshing dose of common sense — and often a laugh, too — because Bob is a funny guy with his feet on the ground.

Now the editors of Sierra magazine have distilled the best of “Mr. Green” into this enormously useful and entertaining book, organized for easy access: “At Home” offers tips on staying cool, cleaning up, and other domestic details; “Food for Thought” focuses on how to eat and drink better while spending less; “Out and About” covers getting around, fueling up, and enjoying the great outdoors; “The Three Rs” shows you how (and why) to reduce, reuse, and recycle almost everything; and “The Big Picture” considers how the environment, politics, religion, and other issues intersect — often at the dinner table.

Bob Schildgen writes the popular “Hey Mr. Green” environmental advice column for Sierra magazine, where he was managing editor and book review editor for many years.

To sign up for the random drawing, just add your name to the comments. The drawing for the book will be held this Friday at 6:00 pm PST. Good luck!

Sunday Confessional - Week 2

Forgive me people, for I have spent. It has been one week since my last confessional.

This month is just not going as well as April. At least it seems that way. Anyway, I have broken several commandments:

1. No new clothes - I bought new shoes for both kids, plus Emma got some new underwear and they each got a pair of new pajamas. I could have purchased the latter second-hand, but I didn't have time to go to multiple stores and both of them have been growing like weeds lately. I don't do used shoes or undies.

2. No eating out - We went out for coffee four times this week post-clinic visits. I can at least say that no disposables were used and we supported local coffee houses that do food composting so I don't feel too bad about it.

3. Other sundries - I bought some ibuprofen and some red vines for the kids.

How did last week fare for your pocketbooks?

The Sweater Lodge

It's a sweltering 62 degrees and raining here in Seattle today.

Although I must admit it was quite a bit warmer earlier in the week and I actually used the air conditioning in the car for the first time on Thursday. Other than that, it's been manageable since it's been cooling down in the evenings.

How are you handling the Sweat Yer Buns, I mean, Keep Yer Cool Challenge? Any air conditioning transgressions yerself?

The Chicken Tractor

No substantive post today people, I'm too busy working on the new business proposal for my post Peak Oil employment. You can read more about it here.

Please do not confuse this project with the stationary Chicken Ranch. And, please note, however, that the prices will be slightly more expensive since we boast organic, free-range, hormone-free chicken. Also note that I will give my peeps a very high commission if you are interested in auditioning.

What wacky ideas do you have for post Peak Oil commerce?

The benefits of higher food prices

The Economist has been having an online debate this week over whether or not there are any benefits to the rising costs of food. So far, the pro side has been winning the vote.

Some of the more salient arguments towards the benefits of higher food prices are that it will encourage new investments in agriculture and higher global production. Another point is that, for the last 30 years, the food strategy hasn't been working well for the world's poor. So, in effect, giving a different system a chance will be a good thing. "If a strategy has not worked for 30 years, surely there is an upside to changing strategies."

Some of the con arguments include the idea that it is a fundamental human right to have access to food. Additionally, the losers greatly outnumber the winners with increased prices. These losers include many people who were near or below the poverty line before the current food crisis struck.

What do you think? Is there an upside to higher food prices? Will it really result in new investments in agriculture and higher global production? Or will higher food prices simply push the poor into starvation? Or both? Do biofuels policies distort the market and should we stop them?

Peak oil primer - what does it all mean?

I know a lot of you out there are quite apprehensive about peak oil and what it means for the future. The cost and availability of oil have been all over the news the last few months and we are all witness to the rising oil prices. We'll see something similar with natural gas in the next few years as we hit peak natural gas soon, too.

The short story on this is that there is or will be a decline in availability of easy-access and inexpensive energy sources. This doesn't mean that we will be stepping off a precipice suddenly and there will be NO MORE OIL like, next year, in spite of what you may be reading on other sites and blogs.

On the contrary, what it means is that there will be a decline in production of light, sweet crude oil (we'll call this "easy" oil) and an increase in production of heavy, sour crude oil, oil shale and tar sands (we'll call this "difficult" oil). The whole concept of the term peak means that we've used 50% of the oil known to exist, mainly the easy oil.

The issue with extracting the difficult oil, is that it is, well, more difficult and more costly. There are also issues with more environmental degradation (particularly with the oil shale and tar sands) in extracting the more difficult sources of oil in addition to the massive energy and water inputs required as well. But, all that said, it is oil and it can and will be extracted one way or another as long as it remains profitable.

As the return on investment of oil production goes down you'll see an increase in usage of natural gas and coal and a whole lot more investment in energy alternatives such as wind, solar and geothermal, among other things. And, as the cost of energy goes up, you'll see a lot more innovation in energy efficiencies from manufacturers and conservation from consumers.

We are already seeing this with investments in new energy and in the market as manufacturers try to switch gears to adjust to higher oil costs. Some industries will be hit harder than others, and some may go out of business, but there are plenty of new opportunities to take their place within the new energy economy as well as in the restructuring to more local, community-based businesses.

The worst case scenario with peak oil is that this transition will be bumpy and we'll see some economic fall-out. I'm hoping for a little turbulence (or as my brother would say "light chop") as we slowly ease off petroleum and gear up on alternatives. It all depends on how willing people are to let go of their old habits. And that starts with you.

So, should you be panicking? Well, no, my take on peak oil is far from theskyisfallingweareallgoingtohellinahandbasket reaction. Will it affect our way of living and economy and food supplies? Well, yes, but not in the drastic manner many are purporting. Since it will be more expensive to produce food and manufacture products you will have to modify your behavior. In other words, you'll have to drive less, travel less and use less energy.

What merchandise and services you do buy will most likely be more locally oriented. The massive economies of scale (aka Walmart, chain restaurants and the like) will lessen considerably with higher costs of petroleum since these businesses rely on cheap oil to keep costs low. So, expect a return to local businesses to provide goods and services. Why is this? Mainly due to lesser energy intensive transportation costs.

In my next post on the topic, I'll discuss in more detail some of the issues with over-reacting to peak oil and what you can be doing to limit the impact. So, in the meantime, take a deep breath and try to relax. The world isn't going to end tomorrow or even next year. You've got some time to get a handle on this.

Sustainable hair removal

This is an age old question: how can I easily and successfully remove body hair? Most recent inventions tend to be environmentally unfriendly due to packaging, waste and chemicals.

So, it all comes down to, what's the most sustainable way to remove body hair? This question has been asked of me several times over the last year and is one which, amazingly, I haven't blogged about yet. Well, here's my take on it.

Of course, one could argue that leaving your body hair well enough alone is the best option, but I'm assuming that this is not an acceptable answer for most women in the U.S. and for women in some cultures where the removal of body hair has long been part of their traditional heritage.

Depilatories. Well, I'll tell you depilatories ain't the winner. Not only are they chock full of chemicals that do Lord knows what to the environment and your own skin (remember that your skin in your largest organ and absorbs this stuff), the packaging and propellants in them aren't environmentally friendly either. So, even if you find it effective, I suggest you try to switch to something a little less damaging all around.

Razors. You have a few options if you are shaving with a razor, some better than others. Clearly, disposable razors aren't the way to go. Even if you opt for a disposable head, the heads generally come full of plastic and packaging. If you want to go nuts and find yourself an old fashioned safety razor where all you supply are new razor blades, then by all means, hack yourself to pieces. Other shaving options include a straight razor, although it's difficulty and lack of convenience and acceptability make it less of a decent option for most.

Electric Shavers. Electric shavers are more sustainable than disposable razors in theory, but you are still taking a hit on the environmental impact of production, packaging, shipping and electricity to run or charge it (unless you have a solar charger). If you can get a used electric shaver, then you've eliminated at least the manufacturing element.

Laser Hair Removal. I don't consider this all that environmentally friendly given the incredible amount of manufacturing input involved to make the equipment. One could argue that once the device has been manufactured, then it's really only input it energy. But, until laser hair removal is actually something that lasts and isn't so expensive, I wouldn't even consider it. I added it here only because I figured someone would bitch, I mean ask, about it.

Waxing. Most waxes are petroleum based. If you use store-purchased waxing kits, then you again are dealing with production, packaging and shipping issues as well as the waste created with throwing out the used strips. Salon waxing may provide a better option than home purchased kits since you may be able to find a salon that uses natural waxes, but there is still an issue with disposal due to health concerns. And, primarily, the cost is an issue.

Sugaring. For those of you who are lucky enough to have tried sugaring or have a salon nearby that provides this service, you will know that sugaring is much more comfortable than waxing in that it adheres only to the hair rather than the skin (like waxing). There are kits you can buy for home use (like Moom), but there is still the issue of production, packaging, distribution and waste.

So, what the answer? What's the most environmentally friendly method of hair removal? Home sugaring.

Now, before you get all complainy and squeamish on me, well, you asked. There are only a few items that are needed and you most likely already have them on hand. All of these items are reusable so you just need to provide a few simple ingredients and a little know-how.

Home Sugaring Kit

Tongue depressor (a wooden Popsicle stick or dull knife also works well as a spreading device)

Cotton or linen cloth or muslin cut into 1 inch strips

Candy thermometer

Glass storage container (optional: if you plan on reheating in microwave)

Sugaring Recipe
2 cups sugar
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/4 cup water

Combine all the above ingredients in a saucepan. Heat on low (making sure it doesn't boil over). Put the candy thermometer into the saucepan and when the mixture reaches 250 F on the candy thermometer (hardball candy stage), take it off the heat and pour it into the glass container after it's cooled down a bit. You can reheat this mixture in the microwave later if you don't use it all after it is made or if it cools down too much and isn't as spreadable.

To use: Let the mixture cool down enough so you don't burn yourself. Test it on your wrist. Trust me, you will learn quickly to make sure the temperature is correct. Using your spreading device, spread it on your skin in the direction of the hair growth. Cover with the cloth strips and rip it off against the direction of the hair growth (kind of like pulling off a bandaid). You can also hold the skin taut with the non-ripping hand to aid in making sure all the hairs come out.

Feel free to swear like a sailor. "Mother-fucker" is a favorite expletive of mine particularly when doing this in the nether regions. To clean up, just wash the strips in soap and water. You can even throw the strips in the laundry for reuse again. I like to hand wash and air dry the strips.

I highly recommend showering after sugaring to make sure you remove all of the mixture since bacteria love to breed in sugar.

Voilà! Enjoy your silky smooth skin using only a little sugar and lemon!

DivaCup 2008 wrap-up

Oh, it's been another successful DivaCup Challenge this year. I'm so proud of all of you who faced your fears of "The Cup" and gave it a try.

I know a number of you have fallen in love with it and it's changed your lives forever. Some of you are still struggling with getting it right and hopefully you'll eventually get it working for you. If you are still having problems, here's another opportunity to get some help, so post your concerns in the comments.

And, now's a good a time as any to have a poll on the subject...

NW meetup date

Well, it looks like there are about 50 people who are interested in the NW Blogger Meetup that Melinda from One Green Generation and I are trying to arrange.

We wanted to run a poll on potential dates so that we all have a chance to put in our 2 cents. Given such a potentially large group, we are thinking of doing this at a public park.

So, if you have any suggestions of where to hold this, add it to the comments. It will be a local-food style potluck with a bring your own reusable plate, silverware and cup thang. Since it will be held at a park you can bring your kids and come and go as you like. I'm expecting this to be a mid-to-late afternoon event.



Once we get the date and location nailed down, I'll announce more of the final details and you can email me if you are still interested so I have a final head count and an email list to communicate with you all.

Just as a teaser, I'm also planning on hosting a few more get-togethers later this year with a focused agenda. The first will be a "Green Girls Party" to get women together and teach them how to make their own natural, green beauty products. The second will have a more holiday focus in teaching people how to make sustainable homemade gifts for the holidays. Stay tuned!

Sunday Confessional - Week 1

Forgive me people, for I have spent. It has been three months since my last confessional.

Well, here it is three days into the challenge and I already have a confession. I guess this first sin isn't too bad since it was something I was supposed to have purchased by the end of July and it's something I promised my kids way back at the beginning of June. Anyway, I got each of my children two very small Lego sets as promised.

Next up, I broke the new commandment: I ordered pizza last night for my belated birthday party. I was just too tired to cook for everyone. My husband also ordered a cake instead of making it himself, but he's still recovering from his stem cell transplant. But no one, and I mean no one can make cakes like Morfey's Cake Shoppe. Mmmmm. Champagne cake.

Minor transgressions, but I will do better!

How was Week 1 for you in the Buy Nothing Challenge - August Edition?

By the way, it's not too late to sign up!

Crazy raspberry lady

I was at our grocery store the other day buying 1/2 flats of berries from a local farm (they deliver daily!) when a man asked me a question about the raspberries. Well, let me tell you he got an earful!

After chatting for a few minutes, discussing how long they'll last, what to do with them, how to freeze them, what kind of deal this was, etc. he said, "Wow, you know a lot about raspberries!" I was somewhat embarrassed, but just answered, "Well, I'm the crazy raspberry lady". Of course, my cart was filled with two half-flats of blueberries ($5.98 each!) and two half-flats of raspberries and nothing else.

I was thinking of making jam, but just wasn't in the mood. So, instead I've been freezing and drying the berries that haven't been making their way into our mouths. I freeze them on cookie sheets and once they are frozen I pack them into Ziploc freezer bags and suck the air out with a straw. I've been doing this for the last two weeks so I think I finally have enough berries to last us for a while.

Sex with pumpkins

Good lord, I can't wait to see what kind of Google traffic this post drives to my blog.

I've been a little disappointed with my bee friends this summer. Many a sugar pie pumpkin baby has not been pollinated this year, so I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I've done this before and it always makes me feel a little dirty to be fingering my pumpkin plants, but I wanted to share with you how to hand-pollinate your plants if nature isn't taking its course, so to speak. This works with plants that have male and female flowers such as cucumbers, zucchinis and pumpkins. You know, squashes and whatnot.

First of all, put on some music to put them in the mood. Maybe a little Barry White. Next, some scented candles would be nice. If you're desperate, a little pumpkin porn might work. Now in your best deep voice say, "Let's get it on..." Oh, wait.

On second thought, it's best to just find the requisite parts. Find a flower that has male parts. This will be easy as it looks like, well, a male part. In other words, a pumpkin penis. (Okay, sure, sure it's really called a stamen, but this isn't biology class for Christsakes.)

Now, locate a flower with female parts. This is not exactly a replica of the human female anatomy, but once you see it you'll figure it out. Soft, a little wet and swollen. Jesus, this is getting graphic. If you're real confused the female has a baby pumpkin at the base of the flower.

Feel free to talk to your pumpkins as you do this, it might make it easier. An "excuse me" here and there would be appropriate. You can use something else for this process, but I prefer using my hand.

With the thumb and forefinger gently rub the penis until your fingers are covered with pollen. Now's a good time to whisper something to it. If you want to talk naughty to your plants, that's your business, I don't want to hear about it.

Rub the pollen on the female flower parts. You'll feel how silky it is, so be gentle. Just keep rubbing until all the pollen is on it. Find another male/female combo and go at it again. It's somewhat addictive but just remember, there is no pumpkin sex addiction hotline so try to control yourself. Each plant can really only support 4 to 6 pumpkins so you probably don't want to pollinate too many.

So, there you go! Go forth and hand-pollinate.