Hades on Earth

Christine over at Peak Oil Hausfrau wrote a brilliantly funny account of how, due to global warming, denizens of the underworld are planning on colonizing Earth. If you have even the remotest interest in global climate change, transition towns and peak oil, go check it out!

Here's a snippet:

December 12, 2011 -- Ninth Level of Hell, Expansion Division

Hell today announced a new Pilot Colonization Program to relocate demons, devils, incubi, succubi, and Damned Souls to the surface of the Earth, starting as early as 2012. Lucifer Jr., Senior Executive Vice-President of Hades, explained the rationale behind the new program: "From our perspective, warming Earth temperatures offers an infernally perfect solution for the overcrowding we've been experiencing in Hell for the last 66 years. As the planet heats up, Earth will present a terrific opportunity for Hell's growth and expansion."

...

However, legal experts say that Hell's colonization of land owned by various Satanic holding companies is all perfectly legal. U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, an avid property-rights advocate, observed, "Some people say that Demons belong in Hell. I tend to agree, but Satan has purchased this real estate through legitimate and proper channels. What would happen if we tried to just nullify all the contracts that we didn't like? Chaos, that's what!"

...

You can read the rest here.

Thanks, Christine, for brightening, er, darkening my day!

Future Earth aka Hades

So, here I was, mindlessly enjoying my blogging vacation, filling my spare time with painting, playing the guitar and reading, when I picked up the latest issue of the New Scientist and made the horrific mistake of reading the lead story, How to Survive the Coming Century.

Up until that point I was unmotivated to write anything since I haven't had much to say and I am still having problems with fevers and headaches (and am now on a new antibiotic). But this story has simply rocked my concept of the future that I'm not sure what to do with it.

Essentially, the article covers what the Earth will look like when we hit a 4 degree C temperature rise. It could happen around 2100, but many are speculating it will be here by 2050 and the crux of the matter is that there's not much we can do about it now. We'd need to reduce our carbon output 70% by 2015 to do anything useful and right now we are adding 3% per year.

So, geoengineers are drafting out "Plan B". In other words, how to deal with the coming geoclimate catastrophe and, more or less, where to "store" people. I don't mean like Walt Disney's head, but where people will be living since all of the current U.S. (except Alaska), most of Europe, Africa, Central America, and South America will be uninhabitable either due to desert conditions or because of fierce weather. Yes, I said, uninhabitable.

Please take a look at this graphic (thumbnail at top) and study it closely. Let me forewarn you that it will give you a huge sinking feeling in your stomach and as you absorb it you will come to the understanding that the Earth as we know it now, and all its biodiversity, will never exist again. Ever. And I'm not even talking about a potentially massive decrease in human population.

Am I being overly melodramatic today? Maybe. Do I hope this article is totally wrong? I sure as shit hope so. I hope someone out there has a great argument as to why this is all wrong, because at this point I don't see much contradictory evidence.

So, don't mind me. I'll be busy packing for my upcoming move to Alaska. Although I'm sure that Western Antartica has some great deals on property. For now.

Hooray! The polar ice caps are melting!

I suppose it's a good thing to have read the article I'm about to discuss, although it made me sick to my stomach and altogether a little too willing to eat one too many cookies.

In the article, The Race to Own the Arctic, by Bob Reiss, I learned that there are some seriously sweet benefits to the melting of the Arctic polar ice. Now, first let me back up and state the obvious. Overall global temperature rises have increased the melting of the polar ice. This shouldn't be a surprise to any of you. The melting ice is shrinking the habitat for polar bears, rising sea levels will be disastrous for Native hunting grounds and, as the tundra in northern areas thaws, thousands of acres of land will literally melt below people's feet.

But, there's good news! There's always good news when it comes to American consumerism! There are oil and natural gas deposits in an Arctic undersea territory that is 20 times larger than Kuwait. Since we don't have to worry about that pesky ice getting in the way anymore, drilling options are opening up, ensuring that we'll have another 25% of the Earth's oil and gas reserves at our fingertips.

"Economic, scientific, and conservation opportunities in the Arctic are fabulous," claims James Connaughton, President Bush's top energy adviser. And, who better to lead us down the path to oil righteousness than him?

But, that's not all! Having no ice up topside means we have a whole new shipping lane available to ship those cheap Chinese goods to Europe without having to chug those extra 4,000 miles. Plus, with oil being extra cheap, it's a win-win situation.

"What's more, the Northwest Passage - the legendary sea route that threads through Canada's northern islands and links the Atlantic and Pacific oceans - was open last summer."

Think of all those extra luxury cruise routes that will be available, too! Scientists believe that the passage will be permanently ice-free in the summers starting between 2013 and 2040. Lucky Dutch Harbor, AK (if they aren't waist deep in pudding), will benefit from a significant tonnage of world shipping sailing past their port. Such an opportunity for profits!

Phew! Thank goodness that last year's summer Arctic ice cap was half the size it was 50 years ago, otherwise we may actually need to slow down our spending and usage of gas guzzling behemoth vehicles!

I'm so excited I'm gonna go start drinking shots of straight crude oil in celebration. No more freezing my buns off, I'm cranking up the heat right now!

Let us all just reflect for a moment

.... on how stupid the EPA is for refusing California and 16 other states the right to control their air quality by requiring their own car emissions standards (from the NYT):

The Bush administration said Wednesday night that it would deny California's bid to set stricter vehicle emissions standards than federal law required as part of the state's efforts to fight climate change... The E.P.A's decision was a victory for the American auto companies...

Isn't the EPA supposed to be protecting the environment and not the oil companies? This just really makes me sick. Especially after watching the movie, Who Killed the Electric Car, last weekend.

Do you feel like the United States is stepping down as a world leader? Do you feel like the American public is completely hand-tied by the oil industry in all of our current policies?

Sometimes, unfortunately, I do.

A river runs through it

Western Washington was hit pretty hard by torrential rains over the last 24 hours. The picture on the left is taken of a road within walking distance of my house.

We woke up to a flooded basement. I spent all day sucking the water out with a wet vac. Needless to say, I'm exhausted.

But, when all is said and done, I really can't complain. We only had about an inch of water in the basement and as of right now, due to my diligence and fabulous work, it's almost completely dry. Unfortunately, many others had their entire basements flooded with feet of water.

I'll be back to my regular posts tomorrow. I have the next installment of the Animal, Vegetable, Miracle book club post just about ready to go!

Oh yeah, and why couldn't I get this firefighter to drain my basement for me? That's right, he's busy saving lives or something important. Doesn't he know my hands are so dry from all this manual labor that they are cracking and bleeding as I type this post? Priorities, people!

National Day of Discussion

Starbucks is hosting a "National Day of Discussion: Solutions to Climate Change" August 15th (today) at coffeehouses in more than 60 U.S. cities to inspire conversations about the issue of climate change.

Hosted by community leaders and non-governmental organizations with an expertise in environmental science, these discussions are designed to engage local participants in a dialogue about how to modify their impact on the planet by making simple, everyday decisions.

For those of you in the Seattle area, the U Village Starbucks will be hosting a discussion from 7:00-8:00 pm. It will be moderated by Steve Nicholas from the City of Seattle's Office of Sustainability & Environment.

Perhaps, we should start with only supplying reusable mugs at Starbucks worldwide? All those overflowing garbage bins of plastic Frappuccino cups and paper cups and lids grinds my crackers.

Everyone else, you can check out if there's an event in your area by visiting the Arctic Tale website.

I'm not sure if this event will be worth your while, but I thought I'd let you all know about it if you are interested. Even though Starbucks doesn't seem to mind taking over and crushing small, local roasters (ahem), it's for a good cause. I think. Or just to increase movie sales. Sigh.

Wacky weather

As I mentioned earlier this week, we are having unseasonably cool weather. It looks like it will be another cool day today (mid 60s F and rainy).

I thought I'd check in with the rest of the world and see how things are in your neck of the woods.

Oh, yeah. Tornadoes in Brooklyn? WTF?

[This is a multiple choice poll (each click is counted as a "vote").]

This is global warming?

So, here it is mid-August in Seattle, when it is usually quite warm. Well, for around here, it's not too unusual to see 80s and 90s for the month. Not so this year, it's been relatively cool this summer and it doesn't look too promising for my heat loving crops:

"Clouds will be a factor all day Tuesday as a weak cold front enhances our marine flow and really makes for a thick overcast. That front could also touch off some drizzle or mist -- especially along the coast. Highs will be in the 60s all day."

I always find it somewhat irritating when people look at this type of unusual weather and use this as a hammer against global warming when, in fact, this is the type of weather that will be more prevalent around here when the earth's temperature rises. Sure, we'll have more hotter days during the summer, but projections show that Seattle, on average, will get cloudier. If that's possible.

It also grinds my crackers when people point out more inclement weather during the winter (high snowfall, etc.) as proof that global warming isn't real. I suppose it's counter-intuitive -- how can it be colder if the earth is getting warmer? Well, because the earth's weather patterns are complicated, to say the least, and some areas will experience more adverse weather at times. But, in general, the temperatures are higher.

So, in short, maybe we'll only see Mt. Rainier a few days out of the year, but we'll be spending a whole lot more time in coffee shops (just not Starbucks).