Got a lot of blackberries? Then check out this recipe for Blackberry Mojito Fruit Leather.

I'm not a huge fan of fruit leathers, but this turned out super good! And, really, you can't go wrong with blackberries, mint and rum.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Why I love Sarah Palin

As the Republican National Convention wraps up I thought I'd take a moment to publish this list. I think it's very enlightening.

Top 5 Reasons Why I Chose Sarah Palin as my VP
by John S. McCain

1. She knows how to cook a mean wolf steak with polar bear sauce

2. She's young and hot and well, who knows whether or not Cindy will be in a disfiguring accident - it's good to have a backup plan

3. When I go hunting with her, I don't have to worry about getting accidentally shot in the face

4. She's good at eliminating, I mean, firing people, so I don't have to get my hands dirty if someone doesn't, well, work out

5. Cindy, Sarah and I would make a great threesome

70 comments:

Ted Rall said...

It sounds like people on the left are starting to get a little bitter now that their self appointed Messiah is vulnerable and may lose the election.

Anonymous said...

Crunchy, you gave me quite a start this early morning. I was afraid for a minute that I didn't "know" you. Whew! Thanks for the chuckle!
Debbie C

Greenpa said...

The thing everybody is missing is that SP is in FACT, actually - the result of a face transplant and boob implants - on Newt Gingrich. "She" IS Newt. Just as mean, just as much a thug/bully. Ban books! Fire librarians! Forbid all city employees to talk to the press! Just what we need!

And anyway, you left out George McCain's top reason: "She showed me her credentials- and they're really perky!"

Stephanie said...

All I can think is, Wow. That's awesome. And chuckle a bit. I had the same first reaction as Debbie C though.

#5-so THAT'S why he chose her... got it.

Anonymous said...

Sarah rocks !

Anonymous said...

or, since we're descending into pure raunch: "I examined her credentials very closely during the vetting process, of course. They hold up well, and are, indeed, quite perky."

LisaZ said...

Ooh, that's terrible Crunchy. This woman certainly is generating a lot of response. Wow!

What I don't get is how the "Hockey Mom" can't be criticized at all for her mothering skills! They want it both ways.

Anonymous said...

She has the nerve to call herself a "mother" when she is against abortion even in the case of rape or incest! She's a mother alright, a MF!

Anonymous said...

FOFLOL!

Sphere Trending said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eco 'burban mom said...

Woot! Agreed, totally. Pit bulls in lipstick toting guns and laying oil pipeline are total hotties! :oP Thanks Crunchy for the giggle!

Bobbi said...

LOL*snort, snort**LOL! You just made my day, Crunchy! I've been getting so many rude comments on my regular blog, that now I'm putting my political views on a separate blog: http://ademocraticmom.blogspot.com.

Let the flood gates open!

Anonymous said...

I chuckle, but what I really want to say is come on people, there is another choice, America's largest third party, the Libertarians, Barr/Root 2008!!!!
Jo

Anonymous said...

That does it. I'm voting Libertarian!

Greenpa said...

Libertarian? Really- please DON'T. Look- I totally agree with you that the Dems are not very different from the Rethuglicans- but... they ARE different.

Please remember Florida, and Bush vs Gore. Our friend Ralph Nader definitely did give the election to Bush. Do you REALLY think that didn't matter?

From Wikipedia: "In the 2000 presidential election in Florida, George W. Bush defeated Al Gore by 537 votes. Nader received 97,421 votes. In fact, all seven of the other third-party candidates on the ballot in Florida each received more than 537 votes."

There are times when actively choosing the lesser evil is the far better choice. Because if you just throw your vote away- you ARE CHOOSING to let the greater evil prevail.

agreenfire said...

Funny stuff. Thanks for the chuckle.

Texan Mama @ WhoPutMeInCharge said...

Whoa. So much for staying out of politics 'cept for the environmental stuff.

Bobbi said...

Humor keeps us going. I watched the Daily Show and Colbert last night and at least went to bed with a lighter heart. But as I watched, I realized that humor could be a drug that throws us into denial. The GOP isn't laughing. They're fighting. I love humor. It's my default mode. But make no mistake, McCain may have been a POW, but the Republicans will take no prisoners.

e4 said...

http://punditkitchen.com/2008/09/03/political-pictures-john-mccain-sarah-palin-dirty-librarian/

Verde said...

Snort.

But hey, I'm not against her because she makes Obama vulnerable. I'm againsst her because of her politics on environment, freedom, and abortion.

She's not superwoman. She wants to be a mom and have 12 kids, fine. But I think her committment is then should be to her choice to have a whole litter of kids. It's as if she's saying, well I did the mom gig, now I'll forget them and do somethig else. I say that as a mom of 2 and as one who holds the role of parent in the highest regard.

As I write this my 88 year old MIL has just called in a fit about SP, saying this is just "a poor joke" but the stakes are too high - think if they won!

Grant said...

"Because if you just throw your vote away- you ARE CHOOSING to let the greater evil prevail."

The only vote that is thrown away is the vote cast against your conscience. I don't want to vote for the person I think is most likely to win; I want to vote for the person who I think has the best policies. Sorry, but Obama is not that person. If the Democrats want to woo independent voters like myself, they need to change their policies. By holding the hard line against firearms and pushing socialist policies they are putting off moderate voters who otherwise might support them.

MeadowLark said...

I agree with Grant.
Both sides make me want to cry, and somehow that's not what I had hoped my country would be.

Repubs want to reward the wealthy. Dems want to "redistribute" wealth.

I wonder if we'd feel differently if WE were the wealthy? I don't know since I'm not, but I always wonder.

This election is going to SUCK. BIG TIME. :(

Greenpa said...

Grant- Meadowlark- yes yes. I understand. I agree, substantially.

But. If folks like you had swallowed your "principles" for a moment, and voted for Gore- let's see. No Iraq war, for sure. That's what, $1.2 Trillion of pure waste so far? Never mind the many tens- or hundreds- of thousands of dead Iraqis. No massive tax cuts for the wealthy, leading to the current economic crashes. Probably a few good things done re global warming.

Your choice. Your future. Yes- your vote for someone who CANNOT win- is thrown away. Vote in the real world; and scream your head off.

Are you SURE you're not just repeating the rhetoric the "alternative" parties keep thumping?

MeadowLark said...

Greenpa, I hesitate to draw fire, but I love my guns. And surprisingly, I don't love them for hunting or crime or potentially shooting innocent children. I love them because an unarmed populace is one step closer to being a controlled populace. And I do not want to be controlled.

That said, I am still completely on the fence. There's no place to get unbiased information because too many people start screaming "ohmigod how COULD you vote {party goes here}. There are bad and evil and blah blah blah". It just turns into the teacher in a Charlie Brown cartoon.

Perhaps voting third party would eventually send a message to both parties that they have forgotten who they work for?

Greenpa said...

Meadowlark- " There's no place to get unbiased information because too many people start screaming "ohmigod how COULD.."

:-) TOO TRUE. I totally sympathize. One thing I've come to believe is: if they're screaming- they're not thinking. Which is why I'm bothering with the conversations here- so far, nobody is screaming. Jeez, that's nice!

The only problem with "eventually send a message" -is ; looking at the Arctic ocean- and sea level rises- I'm scared shirtless. We're right smack flat out of "eventually." What I do, is go to the preliminary caucuses, vote against everything- talk loud- but when it comes to the real vote- that one counts.

MeadowLark said...

So do you have a way to save my guns? Because I'm one of those "cold dead fingers" kinda gals.

And it's the people who are eventually going to TAKE them that scare me. Not thugs in the middle of the night, but the government. And I don't have the benefit of living in the middle of nowhere and hiding them in the basement ;) (But not a bad idea)

Greenpa said...

standard tactic in guerrilla/resistance movements- grease heavily; wrap as waterproof as you can, and bury in a dry place, at 2 AM on a moonless night.

:-)

And remember the saying; "Three people CAN keep a secret. If two of them are dead."

yellowpansy15 said...

Woah, had a bit of a fright when I read "love" and "Palin" in the same sentence.

Thanks for the laugh!

Tara N. said...

I never had any intention of voting for McCain but the nasty and sexist comments that are being thrown around about Palin piss me off so much that it's making me change my mind. Of course her political positions are fair game. But mostly what I've been hearing is that it's not ok to have a high-level career and be a mom. WTF?! And apparantly a woman should not expect to be taken seriously if she happens to be "young and hot" with "perky breasts" (as a previous commenter stated). This has all been enlightening to me, I thought these sentiments were a few decades out of vogue but, no, misogyny is still as cool as ever!

Verde said...

yup, it's true. I think that people (male and female) who choose to have a large families are irrisponsible in then turning their backs on effectivly raising them and devoting themselves to highpower careers. This isn't about women, it's about parenting.

We have plenty of proof that kids need more time and attention than that - I think SP's kids are a good example of that.

I do agree with Tara that it denegrates into sexism pretty quickly

Anonymous said...

I agree with Meadowlark. We have to continue to vote third party so that eventually there will be change. Maybe this could be the time, so many people are staunchly against the two front runners. I do NOT believe it is a vote thrown away, I will NOT vote for someone I don't agree with nor believe in.
Jo

Robj98168 said...

LOL LOL ROFLMFAO! Way to go Crunchy! Thanks for the laugh

Anonymous said...

OMG - That was sooo funny!!!

Greenpa said...

Tara N. Sexism stinks. Yes? Have you heard the one McCain told in a very private Republican venue? It's here; A joke too bad to print

Re sexism here; I can see how casual readers might take it that way; but really; no. Crunchy is as far from sexist as it is possible to get (so am I, but since I'm male I can't prove it.) The jokes here are just following her funny raunchy very frustrated - and yes, stupid- lead.

The truth of that joke seems really established- I got to it by following a lead from a conservative columnist on the NYT. Yes, he thought that was funny. To me, it's just maximum viciousness.

MeadowLark said...

Reason #3,782 why I hate politics: (from previous link to bad joke) That we even can factually write phrases like this:

"McCain's lapse in judgment -- admittedly, not as big a lapse as having a sexual relationship with an intern -- "...

It won't matter. Either party. We're hosed.

Grant said...

"I love my guns. And surprisingly, I don't love them for hunting or crime or potentially shooting innocent children. I love them because an unarmed populace is one step closer to being a controlled populace. And I do not want to be controlled."

Meadowlark - If I weren't already married I would seriously consider asking you. ;-)

"standard tactic in guerrilla/resistance movements- grease heavily; wrap as waterproof as you can, and bury in a dry place, at 2 AM on a moonless night."

There's an old saying that when it's time to bury your guns, it's time to use them. I agree with this wholeheartedly. I will not allow myself to be disarmed by a government that supposedly works FOR ME, and Obama hasn't met a gun control bill he didn't like. Regardless of his policies on the environment, this is a very large red mark against him in my book.

MeadowLark said...

Well if I weren't married to a SWATGOD, I'd consider saying yes ;)
(Sorry Crunchy. I'll shut up now)

Crunchy Chicken said...

Ted - If I were actually bitter, this post would have a whole different tone. There's a lot of material to work with here. I tried to keep it as light, and clean, as possible.

Self-appointed Messiah? What in the world are you talking about?

Aah, Texan Mama. Sometimes I feel like branching out. Since I'm already being accused of being partisan I might as well throw some humor into the mix.

Tara N. - Call me sexist, but humor generally doesn't focus on people's accomplishments. And, frankly in regards to Ms. Palin, I'm still wondering what her accomplishments are.

I am a mom of two young kids (one with special needs) and a full-time career. And a husband with cancer. And a non-profit on the side just because I apparently have way too much free time on my hands.

I may be called young and hot, although after breast-feeding two kids, "perky breasts" may be called into question. Of course, it is sexist to refer to someone as getting where she is in life based on her looks, but then again she, of beauty pageant fame, certainly takes advantage of her looks. And, again, I fail to see what has gotten her into her bid as VP for much else.

I am more than happy to make similarly sexist statements about the men in this race but, frankly, Joe Biden and John McCain really don't do much for me. Now, Palin's husband on the other hand, that's a different story...

Greenpa said...

Meadowlark: "It won't matter. Either party. We're hosed."

Sigh. Yes, we are. Would it help if you realized that has ALWAYS been true? Always.

It really has. Us regular folks have been politically screwed over, regularly, since Babylon was 5 mud huts. For a more recent take on it, read Kafka (that barrel of laughs) "The Penal Colony". It's a metaphor for political reform. Doesn't turn out well; and based on his own personal experiences at the time.

If I were a conspiracy fan, I might think the rosy heroic histories taught to us in childhood are designed to produce disillusionment- and disenfranchisement- in adulthood. Historians know Tom Jefferson boinked his slaves, and George Washington padded his expense account, and Andrew Carnegie, the library guy, was a murderous thief. But when we learn that later, it leaves a bad taste- and a bunch of folks then say "well, if THAT'S the way it is, I won't play!"

Maybe- that's what they want.

Tom and George tried very hard to set up a system that could be different. They warned us it would never be easy- eternal vigilance, and all that.

It's a big, very dirty, iceberg. I'm still pushing, though. Your push on the iceberg does matter.

daharja said...

She's a space alien.

Seriously. That Alaskan wilderness was a great place to hide her spaceship.

You think I'm joking, don't you? I'm not.

RC said...

Thanks Crunchy. I hope you don't lose too many readers due to this satirical post. I look forward to a very interesting 60 days 'til the electoral college gets voted in. After that, I very much hope that the US can get itself pointed in a better direction. It seems to be whirlpooling right now. Given the results of the last two presidential contests, I can't really say that I am allowing myself to have expectations. I'm easily depressed.
If you are going to have a poll about politicizing this blog, I vote yes. And if you were running for VP or P, you would have my vote, with or without whatever perkiness you are claiming. Pardon me while I go out back and make sure no one has been digging in the yard.

lauren said...

This video really made me laugh, but then I got really sad because the doublespeak is everywhere.

Sarah Palin Gender Card:
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=184086

Dr. Jay Weber said...

You got me!! I found your blog through a link from koji's kitchen & I fell for the title - hook, line, sinker, etc. - Very funny!! Thanks for the laugh!

Lisa said...

@ Tara N. the gender card has been played for minths, since Hilary threw her hat into the ring. If Hilary was on the ticket, the Republican misogynist outcry would put the attacks on Palin to shame.

Melissa said...

oh my! i get the feed email stating there is a new post, and all it shows is the title of the post. so i read it, and i was like 'i just read a post on her dislike for sarah...what is going on??' of course, i immediately go to the new post. this is great!

And my two cents. I am one scared US Citizen. I am scared of what will happen to our country no matter who takes office. Someone wrote about voting 3rd party ... I am not so sure that is a bad idea. This is the time where the election gets ugly, personal stabs, bad mouthing, the promises that will remain empty will surface, basically a good sales pitch and marketing campaign. I dont have a lot of faith ... might be a problem especially when its needed!

Laurinda said...

What a very mature post crunchy,so we now are attacking the canidaites on their physical appearances? Is that how you are going to vote? Makes me sick to see such juvenile comments. If that is the only thing you can find to pick about regarding them, I guess their doing alright.

Crunchy Chicken said...

Laurinda - Well, only 2 of the 5 "items" referred to her physical appearance and the first one really was just making fun of McCain and his "morals". I guess the rest of them don't count? I figured the jabs were implicit but I guess not. Should I elaborate?

1. Palin has a horrible record when it comes to environmental protection and wildlife preservation.

2. McCain dumped his first wife after she was in a terrible, disfiguring accident. I guess she just crimped his style. Good family values there.

3. Palin is an expert marksman. Dick Cheney is not. I was making somewhat of an offhand compliment here. Well, not really.

4. Don't like someone after they refuse to do something illegal for you? Fire 'em! This sounds like a good strategy to me. Oh, yeah, and that whole book burning thing. If I were really juvenile I would have made references to hot librarians or some such thing.

5. McCain certainly shoots from the hip. Or from somewhere.

Sharlene said...

Wow- I get behind on reading one of my fav blogs and suddenly its turned into a political debate site! Too funny.

I am a republican (ducks for cover and hides from the onslaught of criticism) and I am not going to be voting McCain Biden because I have had enough of this war and I do not want more drilling. I am pro-life (that was solidified the first time I saw my children on an ultrasound) and anti capital punishment because the decision on whether a life deserves to continues should be God's and not mans. That being said- it doesn't matter what I think about those issues because lets be real- it ain't gonna change in the next four years. Abortions will continue and prisoners will be killed for their crimes. So why are we focusing on problems that won't even be addressed? What will be addressed is the war, the oil crisis, environmental issues due to climate change, and whether or not Palin is a good mother. I am totally okay with a woman with 7 kids including one with special needs being VP as long as her husband takes on the primary parent role. I don't want to see 4 nannies raising kids that need their mom and dad. Honestly- none of these candidates make me sleep well at night. Obama seems like he has some hidden agenda but for now he public agenda matches mine more closely so I will vote for him. Our country is on a fast track to nowhere and at least he has a different path in mind.

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

Hey Crunchy... I love your blog and am a life-long liberal but I take great exception to this list. I am no fan of Sarah Palin and there's plenty about her to laugh about but I am disgusted by your post. It's ugly. It's sexist. It's not funny and it does a service to thoughtful lefties like yourself.

Crunchy Chicken said...

Yo Mama Mama - well, this whole campaign is ugly and sexist. I'm not condoning that, but sometimes you have to find amusement in it all. Some call me ugly and sexist and some funny. I can't please everyone nor do I try to.

MeadowLark said...

A last aside in reference to: Don't like someone after they refuse to do something illegal for you? Fire 'em!

That trooper was an embarrassment to the department. Husband says he should have been gone. Drinking on duty? Tasing his stepson? He doesn't deserve a badge.

Just two more cents.

kate said...

I don't choose a VP candidate on the basis of what they can cook, whether they hunt, or whether they are "hot".

I don't do it with men, and I won't do it with the first woman candidate. Can anyone spell sexist?

Kate

RC said...

I read the big five again tonight. They are all really tame I think, except for maybe number five, my favorite. I just want to let you know, Crunchy, that even if you decided to start promoting a neocon agenda {hard to believe, but it is a bizarro world we live in} I would still read the blog, at least until I couldn't take the blatant denial of the obvious anymore. Meanwhile, I do hope some of your less left leaning readers hang in there. I like reading the opinions in the comments that are not just like mine. Otherwise, why read the stupid comments? Yes, I like the blog and I like the readers, even though I am currently upset that Greenpa has not published any guinea photos this month. He wastes way too much time and space at his site on economics. I hope he is paying attention. At Automatic Earth they never have guinea photos so Greenpa MUST step up to the plate.

"Screwy" Sarah Palin said...

www.sarahpalinisanidiot.com

Anonymous said...

Sharlene, I assume you mean mccain/palin:o)

Rebekka said...

I do think that you should stop and think whether you would have posted a similar list if Sarah Palin was a man? Because I think her policy positions are repugnant, but please, attack her on those, and not on the grounds that she's "perky". It's sexist and it does you no credit.

And this:
"I love my guns. And surprisingly, I don't love them for hunting or crime or potentially shooting innocent children. I love them because an unarmed populace is one step closer to being a controlled populace. And I do not want to be controlled."

Seriously, do you think the population in Australia is being controlled by the government? Or the UK? Or New Zealand? Because Australia, the UK and NZ all have far, far stricter gun control laws that you do in the US, and all as a consequence have what you'd call "unarmed populaces" - and none of us are controlled by the government.

And a lot less of us are killed by guns, not entirely surprisingly.

Scripter said...

Thanks for adding some levity to the situation. Even though we take it seriously, we do need to laugh now and then:)

Eva said...

Crunchy, glad to see someone else thinks Palin's husband is not-so-ugly.
Hey, I'm a pro-life, anti-gun, greenie Australian. What would I know?

So Palin is pro-gun and anti abortion- I want to make a joke about Bristol's shotgun marriage but I just can't get it right...

Oldnovice said...

MY politics are WAY left and I've been living with a black guy for over 20 years, so it's a no brainer on who gets our vote this year.

Surprising to see you branch into the political arena, Crunchy. I have for a long time and assumed that's why folks didn't comment on my blog. :-)

Mrs. Haid said...

:o(

I am sick of politic-ing and rude comments. I think I am "unfollowing" your blog from now on.

I liked the info you gave on Diva Cups and Consumerism, but I don't need this sort of information on a daily basis.

Boo.

To Think is to Create said...

Some people take things way too seriously. Humor keeps us young and sane. This was hilarious!

Btw, I didn't know you had a special needs child. I need to pay better attention. Hugs, from one SN mom to another...

Sharlene said...

Anonymous- I did mean McCain/Palin. Though McCain/Biden wouldn't get my vote either. As a general rule I don't trust people from Delaware so the McCain/Biden combo would be a recipe for disaster. :)

To those who are be scared away from Crunchie's blog because she dared to express a political opinion: So sad for you. This is a wonderful blog and if we all agreed on everything I would completely bored out of my mind. who would I argue with? What would we argue about? Political debate and opinion is part of the process that makes America great. There are countries out there that would arrest Crunchie for a post like that so feel blessed that you were given the right to read it, take a chill pill, and lets all sing Kumbaya.

Anonymous said...

I think it's awful how so many people feel the need to drag this womans children into this. If she were a man, this wouldn't be an issue. And thank you to medowlark for your comment,
"Repubs want to reward the wealthy. Dems want to "redistribute" wealth."

There are plenty of self made people in this country who don't deserve to have their acomplishments taken from them. I've seen both ends of the money spectrum, and these hand outs Dems talk about don't exsist. And tax breaks for the wealthy are complicated and you'll spend so much more on a accountant so in some cases it's not worth it.

Janice said...

The part of this election that frightens me is that people seem to listen to the propeganda of one party to talk them out of voting for the other without verifying facts.

The Democrats have listened to people and tried to appeal to more people and have taken an easier stance on gun control. Keep your guns, Meadowlark. I assume you bought them legally and could pass a basic background check, know how to use them safely, and keep them away from children? Democrats just want to enforce those basics.
http://www.ontheissues.org/Celeb/Democratic_Party_Gun_Control.htm. Just enough control to prevent the Virginia Tech style tragedies, and hopefully a few of the police funerals that have taken place in my city this year.

As for taxes and redistributing wealth, the Dems only want to raise taxes only on incomes over $250k. We have to pay for the past 8 years of war and keep this country running somehow. But over the past 60 years or so, even the super-rich have fared better under Democratic presidents because of the greater economic expansion. So if history holds for the future, the rich will have as much money either way - either pay less taxes and make less, or make more and pay more so it works out EVEN for them. Meanwhile, everyone else has done better under Dems and worse under the GOP.

I used to be really moderate. I used to have trouble deciding who to vote for. But I live in a major city now, where people tear open my trash looking for edible food because they are hungry. Where I've seen a family sleeping under a comforter together on a warm exhaust grate because they've lost their home. We need to do more to take care of our neighbors and compassion for others shouldn't depend on how much you've earned or been given.

If you don't agree with me, please take the time to research party platforms before you make your decision.

LeeAnn said...

Wow. Very crass. I cannot believe it.

Shawn Phillips said...

Yes, funny and frightening all at once. Guess that's a little like crunchy and chewy.

I laughed at the Top 5 and having seen some of the RNC I needed a laugh. It had all the class and authenticity of a low budget infomercial with a little Hitchcock in for good measure.

One more thing you got to love... that Palin vocal quality. It's like Cartman (S. Park) in a starring role in the movie Fargo.

I am a business owner and part of the EO network but what most avid business leaders don't seem to get is that the R policies are aimed to benefit the mega corps, the 1% not the start ups or growing businesses.

It's time to make a switch... it's a time for change.

Strength for USa!
Shawn

iloveyousarahpalin said...

Sarah CAN cook and she can cook good. i know cuz she makes dinner for me ALL THE TIME. i love sarah palin!!!

Anonymous said...

Ummm... here's another conservative fan of Crunchy, hoping we're not all going to veer into politics to much.

There are people who love Green on both sides of the aisle...

laura

Jane said...

I too live in a major city. My elementary school has lost students and family members to gun violence. Our homeless feeding program at church has gone from feeing 50 a week to closer to 200 in just a few years. I have had friends come back from Iraq really, tragically damaged from the mismanagement of their leadership. I know financially I am only better off because I unplugged from consumerism, cut back and do without. But, I feel angry that I will spend years paying for people who bought "too good to be true home loans" five years ago.

No, if McCain wins many of the same old people will be running Washington. This republican is voting for Obama.

PS. I don't mind political from time to time. It is an election year after all.

Isle Dance said...


Politics and Shame

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