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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Top 5 benefits of climate change

Diane, of the blog, Big Green Purse, is hosting this month's Green Mom's Carnival on the impacts of climate change. I know all the other participants in the carnival are going to be covering the negative impacts of climate change so I thought, what the hell! Let's cover the positive points and how it benefits me, personally. Which is really what it's all about, no?

1. Carnival Cruises from Seattle to Paris going over the arctic. No pesky arctic sea summer ice to impede the non-stop fun of cruise ship style rock climbing, cabaret and the 24/7 buffet gorge. Plus, no Titanic-like surprises! I can just roll out of bed onto a ship and be in Paris tout suite! Bonjour Cap'n Stubing!

2. Beach front property. Right now our house is situated close to Puget Sound with no view. With a few meters rise in ocean levels, we're going to be sitting on a gold mine of beach front property. That, coupled with housing pressure from immigrants from the more dessicated areas of the country (I'm talking about you southwest. And southeast. And midwest.), can only mean an amazing increase in property value. Win-win!

3. Tropical weather without the vacation prices. No change of latitude will be needed for this change in attitude. Forget the crappy 10 months of dreary, wet, cold, depressing Seattle weather. All we need is a little climate change to shoot sunny skies our way. Better weather + beach front property = margarita time! Now. Who wants to party? Since all the other tropical areas will be underwater, Seattle will become the next beach vacation spot.

4. Less animals, more people. Animals suck. They use all our resources and don't contribute to the economy. They poop on our cars, wake us up with their confounded singing and other noises and make doing fun things dangerous. Like hiking and swimming. The worst thing is these dirty creatures carry diseases that make humans sick. And that's just wrong. So, less animals + more humans = better planet!

5. More zombies. Who doesn't love zombies? Zombies are loads of fun, easy to outrun and mercifully stupid. If lying out in the sun, hiking in the animal-free forest-deserts and hanging out on my beachfront property gets boring, shooting zombies will provide hours of free entertainment. Let the games begin!

Anyone want to rent a room?

3 comments:

Brad K. said...

You left out the chance to embrace change. Change as in eating, as modern agribusiness flounders on the shoals of an aged farmer population and aging and indebted farm equipment, deepening drought/flood cycles, erratic fuel and transport availability for planting and harvest seasons, and crops Genetically Modified to take advantage of a climate that used to be somewhat predictable and milder.

It could be worse. We could be a nation of complacent folk that haven't started to worry about local availability of food, electricity and other resources. (Keep in mind the government's "smart grid", the ability for Washington, DC to turn off the power to this state or that, or this business or that home, when making those "campaign donations".)

Marti Peralta said...

lol that is so fun to write ... climate change is an issue that should concern us more, but with each passing day we do nothing. For example, I read in http://www.agronet.gov.co about how this has affected my country and I still do a lot. Hopefully soon we say hand on heart really

purejuice said...

thanks for this. i wonder if you know the origin of the term "climate change"? it was invented by the republican operative frank luntz as a euphemism for candidates to use instead of global warming. most orgnanizations with style books, that is who find the need to decide which locution they will use, like newspapers, have decided "global warming" is less partisan a term. not to say less a weasel word for newspeak.
here's a link for the luntz climate change memo.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2003/mar/04/usnews.climatechange

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