A few years ago, Greenpeace published The Greenpeace Guide to Environmentally-Friendly Sex, and I thought now is as good a time as any to recap their message. With my own comments, of course.
1. Do it with the lights off or, if you must see what you are doing, do it during the day.
This seems like a pretty reasonable request. Unless you are practicing something a little more XXX than most and there are safety concerns, you might want to spring for a low-watt CFL. Just in case.
2. If produce makes an appearance in your bedroom activities, then make sure it isn't genetically modified.
I'm less concerned about what's in it, than what's on it. If cucumbers are your best friend, make sure it's organic and wash it really well. Who needs pesticides in their privates? Uh, I suppose some people do.
3. Avoid oysters and other shellfish as aphrodisiacs and try something herbal instead.
While you're at it, for those of you out there who think that tiger penises will help you in bed, well, I'm pretty sure that the tiger needs it more than you do. Just use your own damn penis.
4. If a roll in the hay involves your yard, make sure you are using natural yard care practices.
Again, who needs bug spray on their bits? Now about those succulents... I highly recommend avoiding the cactus patch. Try the zucchinis instead.
5. Don't use fossil fuel based lubricants like petroleum jelly.
Since we're talking lube, most commercial brand lubricants have a number of different chemicals in them that people are sensitive too. Astroglide has a glycerin and paraben free product out now. Need a free sample? Firefly is an organic product that is safe for use with silicone, rubber or latex accessories and toys. "It is also great for underwater play!"
6. Avoid PVC and vinyl accessories as their production creates and releases dioxin. Stick to rubber and leather instead.
Leather is more expensive and not as stretchy, but who needs a guilt trip while having sex? "I really shouldn't be wearing this cupless PVC lace up corset. I should have gotten the studded leather bustier with choker instead.... I'm sorry, what was that honey? Do I mind if you do what?"
7. Share your showers and baths with a friend.
Well, that's just plain old good, clean advice.
8. If spanking's your thang, look for something certified by the Forest Stewardship Council.
9. Role playing games can be fun. We recommend playing "George Bush and Corporate America at the Earth Summit" or other S&M style games.
Wait a second. I think I got that one mixed up. Oh well, that brings me to...
10. Make love, not war.
Yeah. Don't be a Dick. Cheney. Crap, if I keep this up I'm going to have the Secret Service bugging my knickers.
So, as you head into your weekend filled with gardening and debauchery, keep in mind these fabulous tips from Greenpeace!