Yesterday was a tough day, and god knows what's in store for us today and tomorrow as we have been told that these are the roughest days after the stem cell transplant. The doctor and nurse were joking that my husband should take two Ativan (used for nausea) and I should get two as well, just to get through the transplant. You see, Ativan is mainly used for anxiety and stress, but it has a great side effect of working as an anti-nausea medication.I can't even begin to tell you how stressful my life is. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining nor am I looking for sympathy, I'm just stating a fact. There are millions of people who have a far worse time of it than me. I don't go into all the details as I try to keep some things private mostly for the kids, but suffice it to say that it's extremely difficult.
So how do I cope? A lot of you comment on that I must be an alien or some super-hero to get as much done as I do. Part of it is that I consider what I'm doing with the blog and Goods 4 Girls as free therapy and the rest of it is because I find it extremely soothing.
Would I rather medicate myself so I'm not as aware of what's happening around me? Well, I do have a drink at night - I chalk it up to stroke and heart disease prevention and thoroughly enjoy food and wine so it's not really a numbing thing. No, what I find incredibly therapeutic is doing things by hand. I can't say I always have, it's something that I've gotten into more and more over the last 8 or so years. Things like making my own soap, canning jars of jam, drying food and flowers, knitting, sewing, handcrafting things.
But what I've found to be the most comforting thing out of all this past week is hanging laundry. I know it sounds ridiculous to chalk up this chore as comforting enough to combat this level of stress, but the very act of hanging the laundry, getting it out there to take advantage of the sunny days we are having, giving me an extra reason to go out and check on my plants, listening to the clothes move in the breeze is pure delight. There's something incredibly soothing about it.
Sure, my clothes are extra scratchy, but I'm happy to know that the sun and the wind dried my clothes. Not some metal canister blowing hot air at them. The whole process is a zen experience and I feel anxious if I can't do it because of time constraints and make sure I get things scheduled so I have time to squeeze it in.
Over the weekend, my husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday (July 31st). I told him I'd need to think about it, but eventually came to the conclusion that what I really wanted was a day to go to a U-pick farm and pick berries. That, to me, would be a great present. I'd be doing something I truly enjoy, it would be a fun experience and I would have something to can and enjoy later in the year or give away as gifts.
The thought of doing something so simple was made even more enjoyable given the fact that we spend every day at the cancer clinic. I don't know how feasible it will be to actually do this and it probably won't happen until sometime in August, but it would fill an emotional need as well.
Sure my life is stressful. But as we wait for things to settle down with my husband, I'll be hanging laundry, drying my seemingly infinite number of rose petals, watching my garden grow and listening to my children squealing with delight out in the yard. No amount of purchased goods can provide that kind of therapy.
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48 Crunchy Thoughts:
Aw, this was such a sweet post. Now I'm crying. Many many hugs, Crunchy. You may not possess super-hero powers, but you're my hero anyway.
SOme of the mosst mundane tasks I do are the greatest therapy for me. You just go and hang clothes girlfriend. Then come down and hang mine! And shoo the birds away!
Wishing you soft summer breezes to dry your clothes and many berries for the picking.
I often wonder how you do it. You and Mr. Crunchy... the little Crunchettes... you're all an inspiration. Keep on doing your respective things, whatever it takes to get through. We have you in our thoughts.
I'm glad you've found somthing that's soothing to you. Hanging laundry is my therapy as well. It's something I wouldn't stop doing even if energy was free.
I hope the u-pick trip brings as much joy in the anticipation as it does in the doing. I love having something to look forward to.
As my husband was reading this post out loud to me, he turned and said, "You women are nuts!" I'd been nodding in agreement through the whole post. In the simple, beautiful joys may you find calm, peaceful strength.
I love to hang out laundry too! My kids don't follow me there - so, it's a little break for me. :)
Thinking of you through this difficult time! I'm Melissa in Florida - found you through Christine over at "Welcome to my Brain".
My birthday is earlier in the season, and strawberry picking is what I always request to do with my parents. I hope it works out.
I don't remember where i read it, but I'm sure it was in one of the books I read on Buddhist philosophy. Anyway, the idea was that to be truly happy, you need to make the most mundane things in your day (washing the dishes, pulling weeds, hanging laundry) a part of your mediative practice. Don't try to hurry to get done with the chores, rather fully explore them. It really helps me in my weed pulling!
You're so right about the laundry...that's what I did when looking after Dad. Mum did the nursing/cooking and i did laundry and wood chopping/stacking etc (it was mid winter) We shared the rest.
Its really nice to hang out the wet and then take in the fresh dry stuff.
good luck :)
viv in nz
You are so right that doing things by hand is soothing. I think there is something very empowering about doing things YOURSELF, too--understanding the process instead of just buying what the experts do, or handing it over to the machine age.
We'll be thinking about y'all over at Casa Crunchy. May the berries are ripe and the sun shining.
Wow. I have metastatic breast cancer to organs and bone, but I'm only at the cancer center once a week, and my life is nowhere near as rocky as yours is. Bless you, Crunchy, and be well. Hope you get to go berry picking soon.
And i am really glad you get to be outside enjoying the sun, wind, plants and children. Today is the only moment we've got - thank goodness you are alive for it.
PS How well I know about Ativan. My prescription of 45 pills lasted me a whole year 'cause I don't get that nauseated, nor that anxious. But when facing scary procedures, like a liver biopsy, you bet I pop one. I just renewed. Normally I don't take painkillers or anxiety drugs but sheesh, it's good to have some Ativan in the house for those extreme medical situations.
And p.p.s. - I don't hang my laundry very often 'cause we don't have a proper line... but I do get out in the yard and mess with the compost, rake up fallen plums, or just sit on the (parched) grass and commune with the earth. I knew I was getting better when I started doing yard work.
In fact, I started cooking again in May so that's when I really knew I was better...but I took it for granted. I hadn't cooked for about five months. And walking to the store for groceries? Seven months hiatus. Yes, the chemo is fending it off and acupuncture & reiki are helping my energy levels.
Doing these daily things is a great pleasure. Now I am happy to take the kids to school or camp, pick them up, hang out with them. I have the energy and I appreciate them so intensely. (Until I get overtired and then I need to go to bed and close the door)
I know what you mean about the laundry - every time someone uses that as an example of something that is just too hard I start thinking that using my dryer would be just too hard - no time to watch the yellow warblers that built their nest in my porch roof, no chance to water the plants out there, no peace and quiet.
Man, I wish I could come babysit so you could go berry picking on your actual birthday. Of course, that would be only so that I could get you to babysit on my birthday, 2 weeks later ;-).
Sharon
Awww... I hope our birthday (mine's the 31st. too!) brings you much needed peace and joy. And lots of sunshine dried laundry to smell.
Hanging laundry is wonderful. I'm going to pray that you can do some berry picking on your birthday.
I know what you mean about the laundry. I find vacuming to be very soothing. I like to do it, and I love knowing my carpets are cleaner.
This post reminds me of an essay I think Robert Fulghum wrote. He talked of going to a Buddhist monastery to try to achieve peace. What he found was he had already seen peace, and mindfulness, close up, when he was taught as a young man the "proper" way to iron.
I read that essay years ago, but it stuck with me. I wish you good laundry days.
Yesterday, I hung out two loads of laundry -- in between came a brief rain shower. It was such fun to run out and pull damp clothes off the line, then drape them around the living room to dry. Some people might look at the rain interfering as a nuisance, but I took it as an opportunity to move faster and laugh harder. Half an hour later, the sun came back out and the next load was ready to hang. I was gong to blog about it, but having just read yours, I find I don't have to -- you said it all, sister! Raising a glass of wine to you...
What a beautiful post.
I have a solution for scratchy, over-dried clothing! Take it off the line BEFORE the clothes are dry - they can be a tiny bit damp. This keeps them from being stiff and super dry. Try it!
Looks like you answered your question for yourself - if you had unlimited resources at no cost to yourself or the environment, would you choose to do things by hand? And your answer is yes - because it's soothing and relaxing and therapeutic.
I've found the same to be true for me :). How much more fun is it to sit at the kitchen table shelling peas with my husband while we listen to an audiobook? I don't think life gets much better than that :).
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who uses blogging as therapy - it have helped change my life around.
I'm thinking about you and your family - good luck!
Oh, here's a laugh - the word verification for this comment is:
ezeyho - translation "ezey ho"!
I was going to mention meditation, but you're already doing it! I just love those moments of total focus on some element of nature, like the sun shining on the laundry while it flaps in the breeze, or dew on a berry, or the sound of kids' laughter. The peaceful rhythm of washing dishes, or hanging laundry or watering plants can be so soothing - I'm glad you are finding solace in these things, Crunchy. Namaste.
I'm with Arduous. Regardless of whether you truly are a superhero or not, you are certainly a hero to many of us, including me!
I hope you get to pick berries on your birthday - you certainly deserve a nice break.
I'm with Arduous. Regardless of whether you truly are a superhero or not, you are certainly a hero to many of us, including me!
I hope you get to pick berries on your birthday - you certainly deserve a nice break.
Story-sharing time...
Once upon a time, I had a roommate whom I dubbed my "Laundry Elf" - the more stressed out he was, the more laundry he did. When things were bad, he'd sneak into my room at 6:30am to steal my dirty clothes if he didn't have any of his own. And when things got really bad, he'd do the curtains, the pillows, and things it never occured to me to wash, and haul them across the street to the laundromat.
These days, I'm a self-employed massage therapist, which means that in addition to 1-2 loads of personal laundry, I produce 2-3 loads of "work" linens. I recently told him how much I missed my Laundry Elf, and describing the amount I do these days...well, he drooled. I felt like I was dishing out "laundry porn".
Earlier this year I sold off part of my biz to have more time to do other things - I make herbal products and these certain items were very hands on crafting and special packaging. What do I do with my new, extra time? I get totally into making gourmet raw foods and other items from scratch. It's the same amt. of time but now I'm not making money from it! I guess I can't help myself, either but the end result sure is tasty!
I agree that making things by hand is a very meditation-in-action type of experience.
Good luck to your husband. I hope you both get through this ok.
Beautiful! You sum up the absolute human need to do all the little "green" things that we do. It is a need so many of us are disconnected with due to technology, stuff, "modern life."
I hope you get to pick your berries. I really really do. What a meaningful present that will be.
I think this post of yours is very important. When we start talking about peak oil, water footprints, and all...we tend to get very technical and statistical, and we forget there is a VERY HUMAN ELEMENT involved in our life, in all we do.
Right now, you're in the middle of it, and I'd say it is probably feeling like life in surround sound.
Hang in there, and I hope you get to pick your berries!
AMEN to that Crunchy. Your post made me smile as hanging laundry is one the best parts of my day. Still waiting to go blueberry picking. Debbie C
Routines can be calming, a kind of reminder that everything is going to be ok, life goes on, that sort of thing.
Thinking of you and your family as I go hang out my own laundry.
I am always hesitant to comment because you have so many already. (I will be #30 or 31) But you are truely an inspiration to me for your bravery and spunk and I wanted to tell you. Thank you.
(Now I can go cry.)
Re: crunchy laundry
I remember visiting Italian friends in Rome one winter -- the housewives all hung out the laundry no matter what the weather. Then they pulled it in not quite dry and ironed it. That's how you get non-crunchy and perfectly ironed shirts and linens.
Sorry, I'm not doing this.
Oh yes and when I lived in Cairo, laundry day meant you or the housekeeper did the laundry in the bathtub, Colin Beavan style, then sent the wet things downstairs to the makwaga (Ironing Man) who used a real iron, heated up in hot coals, to iron everything dry.
You know how he generated steam? Slurp from a cup of water, spit on the shirt, iron furiously. No joke. Just a little traditional ironing and clothes drying lore for your edification.
Your thoughts are much appreciated! I too look forward to the joys of things like sun/wind dried clothes. I knew exactly what you meant! Hope all goes well with the stem cell things! I am praying for ya'll!
my thoughts are with you and your family
you and your husband will be in my thoughts.
I know exactly what you mean. I'm not so much of a laundry fan, since I just have a boring old indoor rack, but for me it's weeding. I had surgery last summer, and two days after I got home from the hospital it was volunteer day at the CSA farm. I walked three miles, weeded eggplants in the hot sun for a couple hours, and walked the three miles back home, *and felt better than I had since going into that stupid little hospital room*.
I wish you many many tasty berries and I'm sending you guys all the healthy thoughts I can find!
I hung up my second load of laundry and felt the same way. It was not a hurried stressful event. The kids kept clear afraid I would make them help. My daughter crafted a clothespin bag out of paper and duct tape and a hanger. I also walked with 3 of my kids 2.5 miles RT to the store. It was a nice way to spend a sunday afternoon.
I believe that the reason I always come to read your posts first is because you radiate health, your own mental health, strength and love. Of course I admire you for all you get done. But it is the joy with which you do things! I feel fortunate to be able to receive some of that from you. Thanks for writing, for being open, for being you.
Crunch, when my father was having his heart transplant and his subsequent issues afterwards -- I was at the hospital so much (6 months) that the security staff thought I was a nurse. Then one day a new security member was hired and they realized I wasn't a nurse after he asked for staff ID.
I know what it means to be stressed and stretched. I also know that you are smack in the middle. Hang in there and things will get easier.
A result of my stress years ago? I take lots of naps. I do things slowly. I don't want to go on elaborate vacations. I have an extensive library. I read a lot, I garden, and I embrace really simple things like quilting and crocheting. I have more patience. I won't work somewhere I don't enjoy. I rarely turn the tv on, prefering peace and quiet above all.
I've been this way for years. I don't feel the need to rush around and fill every single minute of my life with activity -- although there are days when that happens!
My dad's transplant is something that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but God uses all things for good and I learned a valuable lesson at a relatively young age that's served me well all these years. Slow down and enjoy life. You only get one.
Not ridiculous at all!! I firmly believe that this is why women 100 years ago didn't have all the issues w/ depression and such that women today struggle with (and men too, for that matter, but so many of the mom friends I know IRL & online are on anti-depressants, makes you wonder how women survived before the invention of anti-depressants LOL). Being busy with our hands is a wonderful therapy!
Picking berries sounds lovely and I hope that ya'll can fit a nice relaxing day into your brutal schedule.
Laundry is becoming more zen-like for me, but puttering around in the greenhouse or garden (depending on the point in the season I'm at) is still my favorite thing outdoors.
My greenhouse isn't fancy, but I love it. It was a birthday gift from my husband a couple birthdays ago, and even though a lot of the guys thought he was entering dangerous territory by not showering me with jewelry or clothes or roses and such, he knows me well enough to know that while I think those things are nice, the greenhouse was by far the best choice of present.
He brought me some bags of rotting onions earlier this summer as a surprise, which I'm sure wouldn't have been so happy for a lot of women, but I dug them into my compost and beamed with delight. heh.
thinking about you and mr. crunchy.
it's funny that you should write about this (clothesline therapy) now as i have been writing a post in my head for the past week now about the very same thing. i might use it for my next 5MFGG post.
hope you have a wonderful birthday and a plentiful berry harvest. :)
just wanted to let you know I found that post really inspiring!
I am striving to do more things by hand and experience more joy with them!
hugs to you!
Yeah, I enjoy puttering a lot. And making stuff from scratch. So satisfying. Like so many others, I hope you get your berries in spades and the time to can em. And then lots of slices of buttery toast with jam and tea parties with your kids.
I just got back from picking cherries at a friend's orchard. It's up on a hill, the breeze was blowing and it was gorgeous. I love the cherries and I'm going to can them for my grandparents who don't have the money, time or energy. I've tried to explain to my husband why I enjoy hanging my laundry out...he just sees it as an eyesore and is worried about someone seeing our undies. Glad I'm not the only one who gets joy from these tasks. Thanks!
Blueberry picking is always an occasion for some of the best conversations. Something about having a berry bush between us makes my husband want to talk.
I, too, find great comfort and peace by hanging laundry. Who knew? Sending warm thoughts to you and your family....and cyberhugs!
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