I'm sad to say that, a few weeks ago, Greenpa launched a vicious attack against me.
So, instead of spending this precious time regaling you all with my meanderings regarding making my own butter and toothpaste, or with more community-building posts such as book clubs, polls and the like, I feel compelled to defend myself against this spiteful public smear campaign.
Now, while I appreciate the intense jealousy that must be fueling his actions, Greenpa is living in a pretty big glass outhouse to be throwing stones.
Let me begin this story with Greenpa's various "absences". Most notably November 6th through December 2nd and December 31st through January 17th. Many readers will assume that Greenpa was "busy" or "away on vacation". Alas, this is not true. I even feel ashamed being part of the cover-up as illustrated in my guest post on December 3rd. But it was only to protect the intense investigation I was running.
In fact, instead of cleaning out his weep hole, lighting his chimney on fire, or whatever nonsense he was purporting to be doing, Greenpa was, in fact busy working on what he really does for a living.
Sure, he leads us all to believe that he's this maverick living out in the woods, off the fat of the land. But it's all hooey. You see, the blog is just a cover for his real avocation. Growing marijuana. I'm sorry to burst your bubble about Greenpa, people, but those big greenhouses of his aren't growing spinach. In fact, Greenpa has several grow operations spread across the country. And Guam.
He even has the audacity to bring his children along with him to check in on the operations, codenamed 'grandpa'. Not very clever, I might add. Thus, the reason why Dick Cheney (DC) was trying to plant operatives in the THWASPCO.
But, the truth of the matter is (after much investigation from this particular government employee) that Greenpa has had an amazing breakthrough in developing a hybrid marijuana, Cannabis greenpis, that takes nearly no energy to grow and very little land. There is suggestion that this may very well be the bio-fuel that saves the planet. Yet, one of the effects of this clean burning fuel is that the emissions that are emitted cause, shall we say, a rather pleasant experience.
The only drawback is that it may increase the obesity rates of Americans as one of the natural side-effects of inhaling this exhaust is a bad case of the Munchies (Norwegian pronunciation here, please). Hence Greenpa's fascination with Edvard Munch and his insistence, during a research-induced high I must presume, that I am "The Scream". Frightening indeed.
Fortunately, Greenpa is working on a few genetic tweaks to hopefully provide an appetite suppressant quality to Cannabis greenpis. Thereby solving two massive problems, global warming and obesity, with one solution.
So, this is the real reason why we have no concrete information on Greenpa's identity and his super secret nature. And, perhaps why he refers to himself as "Green"pa and his wife as "Spice". Either that, or it's from too many viewings of Dune while in the lab.
However, make no mistake. I will continue to closely monitor Greenpa's activities if only I can bring myself to read through his 5,000 word posts.