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Friday, February 8, 2008

New environmental TV shows

Due to the long-standing writer's strike, there has been a dearth of new episodes on TV. Let's face it, the networks are getting desperate. Fortunately, producers are looking at a new crop of shows, loosely based on some environmental blogs out there.

Cocktail meets CasablancaCasablanca's Book (Romance) - In a post-peak-oil world, Sheryl Astuck, exiled American and former Israeli freedom fighter, runs the most popular nightspot in town, serving signature cocktails like "Post-Apocalypse Now." Co-starring Tom Cruise.

Impacted Man (Comedy): A Manhattan writer travels the country on his bike in search of a doctor to cure him of his severe constipation caused by his limited winter diet.

Fake Plastique Fish (Action) - Explosives expert and Jiu-Jitsu master, Betty Terry, saves Bay Area residents each week from crooks, criminals and heavy users of plastic-laden products.

Boyz n the Wood (Drama) - Urban gangstas are sent to live in a little log cabin out in the woods and are put to the test cleaning weep-holes, digging outhouses and putting up with the ramblings of a demented, ranting old man.

Clean my Thistle (Home Improvement) - New homeowner, Vanessa, sets out to hire a team of experts to whip her house into enviro-shape with weekly team contests and the pressure and threat of receiving the dreaded, "You're flushed!"

Ride 'em cowgirl!The Adventures of Chile and Fartsy (Western): Set in the old west, this rip roaring tale follows the antics of Cowgirl Chile and her trusty dog, Fartsy, as they corral wild citrus fruits against a backdrop of cactus and canning equipment.

A Homesteading Nymphomaniac (Reality) - Ex-porn stars battle it out in a test to be the last nympho standing while running a homestead, raising donkeys, fighting against NAIS regulations and all the while squeezing in lots of baump chicka baump baump.

Kurunchi Chikin (Anime) - Japanese animation sets the tone of this series which highlights the daring adventures of super-heroine, Kurunchi Chikin, as she saves people from bad diets, too much garbage and evil, scratchy toilet paper.

Thank goodness there's hope on the horizon. Rest easy, my friends.

24 comments:

Fake Plastic Fish said...

The funniest part about Fake Plastique Fish is that the star is Betty Terry, who is actually my mom! I'm Beth, but that's okay, you must have spoken to my mom and found out that I was called Little Betty (she was Big Betty) until I was in third grade. Imagining my mom taking down bad guys and feeding them Hamburger Helper and frozen broccoli with Cheese Wiz.

Jeez, all the green blogs are degenerating like crazy lately. Greenpa, Burbanmom, now you. Mine is scheduled to go to hell next week. Just wait.

rachel, pe said...

I like you. You make me laugh. I'm your stalker fan. Every celeb has to have a stalker fan,right? Well, that's me. Broken-backed-crushed-but-Nate-hopeful gardening perv, bang-on canning pimp, diva cup convert, cloth-wipe-crazy-ass, save-all-my-food-compost-for-a better-broth Rach. And you made me this way. And I know where you live. You make my world a better place to live. Love you for that (and a myriad of other things too)!

Burbanmom said...

Hysterical! Now will these be on network or cable? ;-)

Anonymous said...

This IS a joke, right? It's 7:30 am and I'm drinking my first cup of coffee. I can't wrap my brain around this one.

Anonymous said...

How funny!

Chile said...

ROFLMAO! Boy, I wish I looked like that, Kurunchi.

Fartsy says the writer - that would be you - forgot to include a sidekick for her. She'd like either the white kitty with the six toes that taunts her at the window or the supremely ugly smushed-face gray Persian down the street. If you do not comply with her request, "You're Farted!"

Deb G said...

Why oh why have I never bought a TV? I don't know which show I'd watch first :)

Phelan said...

HAHAHA! Put an ex-porn star out there with a donkey and you'll get a very censored program. My husband wants to see the previews ;)

LisaZ said...

I just about spit out my granola when I read "Impacted Man". Oh gawd!

Sandy said...

Crunch,

Are you getting enough sleep? :)

I'd sign up for cable to get those shows. I'd also not have a life due to the time sitting in front of the tube.

Oh jee-zus help us -- what's DC and Greenpa going to do now?

Jenn said...

TOO funny!

I'm so sick or reality tv!

Theresa said...

Oh Crunchy, you are so hilarious! What a great way to start my Friday! You seriously need to make an anime avatar of yourself to show us all!

DC said...

Crunchy, let me first just say that I'm glad you're watching television again -- it's about time that you learned that the big media conglomerates are your friend and only have you're best interest at heart. You have done a pretty thorough job of educating your blog readers about the latest green hits, but I just want to remind everyone that there are still some great classic green series out there too -- like Greenpa’s favorite. They just don't make 'em like that anymore.

Thanks for making me laugh.

Britta said...

LOVE IT!

Jenette said...

This was great! It is still making me giggle :)

Greenpa said...

Loads of fun. My desire to go visit all these folks has increased-

Where DO you guys (DC&CC) find time???

DC said...

Greenpa -- where do WE find the time? I just pasted this into Word and did a word count. It contains 91 paragraphs and 3,398 words. Where do YOU find the time? ;)

Anyway, I'm glad you liked the humor and that you know we have the deepest respect for you (and are insanely jealous of your outhouse). I would never want to post anything that I thought would really offend you or anyone else. Thanks for laughing with us. If I didn't find a few moments to make jokes and laugh each day, life would get dreary really fast.

jewishfarmer said...

Ok, he's a whack job and a scientologist, but this still might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me - that I could get to play opposite Tom Cruise!!

I would have bet my leading man would be Geoffrey Rush ;-).

This was great - I haven't seen a good action show in years! There's just something about plastique... And just imagine all the teenage boys writing anime-fan fiction about Krunchi.

Sharon

AuntFarm said...

OK! OK! I can lurk in the shadows of silent, un-commited blog-readers no more...

Say, if TV were that good, I'd actually have one & watch.

I read you (and all your fellow travelers) every day. I gleefully plow thru my reading assignments (1/2 way thru latest terrific-as-usual, Pollan), and score an 8.5 on your Wacko-Green test...some of us old hippies started our training over 30 years ago and are thrilled that so many people are (again) finding validity in simpler, more connected and productive lifestyles. I can't tell you how heartening it is to have younger generations seeing thru the BS and bringning their considerable brains, creativity and energy to a more sensible way of living.

Thank you for all the insights and chuckles...It almost gives one hope.

Rosa said...

Thank you for the laugh, Crunchy.

Now, seriously - ARE there green TV shows? We were big fans of the PBS show Pioneer House, and also a CBC one called Quest for the Bay about voyageurs...if anyone knows of something along those lines, I'd love to hear about it.

Theresa said...

Crunchy, I'm sure you get these all the time, but I've nominated you for a blogging excellence award. Nobody does it like Crunchy C.!

Burbanmom said...

Hi Crunchy! I've tagged you for a meme, because you obviously have way too much free time on your hands. ;-)

RC said...

Thanks for the laffs Crunchy and I send my greetings and pratfalls to you and the Crunchifamilias.

Beany said...

Haha! This is the funniest post ever! And I echo Greenpa's comment, how in the world do you and Sharon A. find the time to write so much? And you have kids!!

P.S. I secretly like your posts more than Sharon's because her posts is all about the sky falling and it makes me very depressed. But your posts are about the sky falling and its funny! I am shallow and I like funny.

P.P.S. I am also a blog stalker. But I am a nice one (too lazy to do damage)

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